The Perfect Life Coach

Sometimes I feel shame about being human. It’s so messy to be human. There are all these emotions and needs and stories… not to mention biological needs like eating and pooping. Or, probably the messiest part of being human–having sex and making babies (full disclosure: no babies for me yet). It’s all one big fat mess!And then there are all the stages of development, at which any point one can get sidetracked and lost in psychopathology and neurosis.
We are interminably developing, evolving and transforming.
Will we ever be readier to share ourselves, our stories and our experiences than we are right now?
This question, and the questions around my own perfection or lack thereof have been some of my most difficult personal questions.
As with many of these moral and existential questions, it helps to begin with a definition.
According to Dictionary.com:

 

Perfect:
-adjective-
1. conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

 2. excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement
Will we ever arrive at a place where improvement is no longer possible
Yes and no. It depends on how we define improvement.
If growth is improvement, then the answer is no. Because we will all be learning and growing for the rest of our lives to varying degrees.
If we’re not growing, then we’re dead or dying.
However, if growth is simply the healthy expression of our state of existence, then growth is not an improvement at all, and that means we are already perfect.
Already perfect.
I love the sound of that.
There is so much more ease and love and potential for growth in that knowing. There is an appreciation for what already is without denying the inevitable growth that we are experiencing in the moment and throughout our lives.
To bring this into a more practical and less conceptual framework, I’ll give a personal example.
Lately, I’ve procrastinated making these vlogs because there are SO MANY THINGS I could be doing to prepare myself to be even more ready, even more developed and “grown” than I am right now.
I am highly aware that what I’m creating now, these blogs and videos are a reflection of what I’m learning now, and in a few short years I may disagree with some important parts of what I’m now proffering.
It’s happened before. If you go back and look at my first posts from a few years ago, MUCH has changed for me, and there are things I’ve written I’m no longer certain are true.
So if we will always be growing, does this mean that we are never perfect? If we will always want MORE than we have now, does this mean that we never have enough now?
Let’s just go ahead and admit that we are already perfect and stop wasting time pretending we’re not. The reality of growth is not evidence for a lack of perfection.
This comes down to creating the confidence to express ourselves authentically, to share of ourselves–our thoughts and emotions–and also being confident in others that they can and will decide for themselves what to take and what to discard.
That’s really all we ever can do.
Here’s something I believe that may be controversial: I think it would be great if everyone became a “life coach.”
The reason why is that, first of all, life coaching isn’t about knowing more than someone else or being more excellent than someone else. Life coaching is about listening deeply to another human (with our whole body) and asking curious questions in service of cultivating awareness around what is really present in that person’s bodymind, then having the capacity to leverage that awareness to create any change that person may want.
It’s challenging to become a life coach when we take responsibility for what we are creating and how we may be leading others, and this challenge can work to refine ourselves and grow ourselves greatly.
Also, as a certified life coach who has many friends who are life coaches, take it from me when I tell you: life coaches are extraordinarily ordinary people.
And we’re all in the same messy boat together.
We get to do this beautiful thing with each other where we serve another’s self-discovery, growth, cultivation of awareness and highest good.
Self-discovery is so beautiful. It allows us to find our deeper and higher resting place from which we are more powerful, more energized than we ever thought possible, and from which we can serve humanity ever more greatly.
Love,
Aaron

Self-Ownership & Overcoming Fear

Who do you think you are?

Well, chances are, unless you’ve achieved the non-dual realization of Oneness with everything and nothing, who you THINK you are is not who you REALLY are. And for all I know, maybe the “non-dual realization” is only the beginning. I’ll let you know when I find out ;p

I believe that becoming fully ALIVE is a process of discovering and uncovering the layers of constriction that block the flow of life through you.

I believe that who YOU are at your deepest is INFINITE, like the universe itself. You, like the universe, are infinite.

No bounds, baby.

And the only thing standing in the way of this realization is your pitiful holding on to the limited version of yourself that you think you are right now. (I do this, too.)

I’ve got a little theory about life, fear, peace and violence. I’m still working on it, but it goes something like this:

Life begins as a brilliant impulse. The intensity of that impulse is high.

When we are confronted with that continued growth-impulse throughout our development as children (and also adults), when we experience a little bit of it, we have a choice.

We can allow the intensity of that impulse to flood our system, to enliven us, to invigorate and enlighten us.

But like I said, that impulse is fucking intense.

It’s so intense that most of us will, at some point in our development, choose to say no. We block it. We constrict around it. We simply do not trust the intensity of that sensation, of that level of expanding aliveness. This is usually done unconsciously, in other words, without awareness.

And that is when that impulse becomes fear.

It could have been excitement. But you tried to restrict it.

Fear is the potential enlightenment of the prime impulse that gets constricted and turns dark and stuck.

Fear is the opposite of trust; fear is what happens when we try to control the impulse of life.

When we choose an attempt to control LIFE instead of trusting LIFE, we enter into a world of fear. The characteristics of fear, those habits which perpetuate fear are control, constriction, opacity/lack of curiosity, desperation, clinging to the illusion of safety, attempts to force/coerce others against their will, power *over* others, condemnation, and a win/lose outlook.

When we trust LIFE, those characteristics are in direct opposition to attempts to control her. These are openness, transparency, investigation, curiosity, confidence, letting go, attempts to persuade and understand others, power *with* others, compassion, and a win/win outlook.

The foundation built from attempts to control life leads straight from fear to suffering to violence. Any attempt to control another adult human being against their will is violent because, at the very least, it carries the threat of violence.

The foundation built on the trusting of life leads to the high-sensation worldspace of freedom, responsibility, prosperity, wisdom, and the highest possible levels of peace and aliveness and connectedness.

Obviously, in life, there will always be some degree of suffering and unrest. Growth, as far as I can tell, seems to be an inherently uncomfortable process. But our attempts to control life only lead to more suffering.

Again, any coercion or force applied to another against their will is violent because it carries the threat of violence. This is the path of control, the path of fear and ultimately of staying small and desperate, stuck and stagnate.

Those with full respect for another’s self-ownership/self-sovereignty will never initiate the threat of violence on another, whether it is direct or by proxy, by mercenary.

Leaders lead. They don’t threaten their people with violence. They reach out with respect for others’ minds and hearts, and they inspire their followers by integrity of example, by going first, by serving their followers and their cause. Anyone who threatens others with violence is not a leader, but a despot, a tyrant, a criminal.

Do you disagree?

WHO OWNS YOU BUT YOURSELF?

It is crucial to understand, in the defense and protection of LIFE, as the ultimate standard of morality, that fear is not the enemy.

Fear is not the enemy. In fact, one of the best ways to overcome fear is to run toward it, to dive into it, to stare it in the face until its desperate, silly little game reveals itself as the farce that it really is.

Fear is ultimately a lie. It is sometimes a highly convincing lie, but it is based on an avoidance of life, of avoiding truth and transparency, and it is but a withering pang of desperation in the face of real love and truth, freedom and responsibility.

Remember! Fear is not the enemy.

The enemy is the attempt to control life, the initiation of the threat of violence on another or our own bodyminds, NO MATTER how beautiful one’s imagined end-game utopia seems to be under this coercive ideology.

There are lots of beautifully-intentioned people out there, but many of them adopt a coercive ideology as a means to fulfill their dreams. That’s not sustainable, and it’s actually EVIL when morality is defined as protecting and defending life, self-ownership and vitality.

98% of us want peace and prosperity for all. (Statistically speaking, 2% of the population are sociopaths, so we’ll just go with 98%.) And either way, it is the VAST majority that wants peace and prosperity for all. (note: those 2% are probably the ones hurting the most.)

The great challenge therein, is the means to that end.

Our theoretical, philosophical means are different.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing, because individually, as self-owning human beings, our individual ends we seek are personal. My caution is when we go beyond ourselves in order to influence, let us remember that other people are also self-owners and we have NO RIGHT to threaten them with violence if they do not comply.

Remember that commissioning a government to carry out your wishes is using the threat of violence by proxy. Hiring someone (a mercenary) to do the dirty work is just as bad as doing it yourself.

You want different things from what I want. Success for you is NOT necessarily what success is for me. We want similar things, perhaps, but we are individuals with different wants and needs. We are self-owning individuals. Are we not?

I prefer to let you go about your methods and means freely, AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT HARM MY LIFE, MY REAL PROPERTY, AND THE VITAL RESOURCES WE ALL MUST SHARE (like water, air, forests, wildlife, oceans, etc).

I hope you want the same for me.

I don’t know about you, but I’m a survivor. And I WILL DEFEND my life and real property and vital resources from violence and the threat of violence.

As Patrick Henry so eloquently asked a couple hundred short years ago, “Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?”

No fucking way.

So what will be your answer when you are asked: Who owns you?!

You own you, baby. I hope that’s fucking clear.

Lean into the fear. Discover the lies it has been telling. Know the truth and be free.

Love,

Aaron

PS: As many of you know, I’ve been building my life coaching business since being recently certified as a Bulletproof™Coach. I’ve actually been considering re-branding myself as a self-discovery coach, because I’m finding that that is possibly what I do best. I help you discover who you *really* are (which can be quite intense) so that you can be fully ALIVE.

I ask deep, intuitive questions, exquisitely following my curiosity, reflecting and amplifying your presence–and the results so far have been great! I’m currently offering discounted rates, too, while I’m still building my clientele. If you’d like to have a revolutionary self-discovery conversation with me and feel out if some transformational coaching might be just what you need, check out: www.reallifeconnectioncoach.com/coaching and drop me a line!