A Few Musings

I want the truth more than I want anything else, because, instinctively, I know that the truth will set me free.

I know this in my bones.

I know it like I know beautiful music from harsh, grating notes.

We can know truth, in it’s various forms.

The measure of inner truth is sincerity. Is she genuine in expressing her inner world? Does she believe what she’s saying about her inner world? Do I believe she believes what she’s saying? That’s called subjective truth. (It’s “true” for her.)

We can also believe something sincerely, and that belief can be totally false objectively. Our sincerity in the belief we can jump off a cliff and fly, will not negate the existence of gravity.

The measure of outer truth is objective, empirical, scientific. Does the proposition match reality? Can the facts be verified and repeated?

I’ve been searching for the truth for as long as I can remember.

Here are some of the my current (subjective) truths:

+There is often more truth in the questions than there are in the answers

+Add softening qualifiers like “some,” “sometimes” or “often” to statements and they become truer. For example: “People love ice cream.” –not quite as true as “Some people love ice cream.”

+Good musicality and imagery of language increases resonance in communication. People will usually feel the communication more, and thus understand more. This includes rhyming, orderliness and simplicity. Syntax counts.

+Good music doesn’t lie.

+People are almost always terrified of uncertainty, and will desperately cling to what we already believe, usually until it becomes too painful to continue with those same beliefs. Death is not too painful for many, in this scenario.

+Live with the questions for as long as it takes. Don’t allow your intense desire for certainty overpower your precious curiosity. Your brain is not on your side, in this respect. It is literally hardwired to find certainty in what you already believe and to ignore any evidence which might contradict presuppositions.

+Patience is paramount.

+Discover what energizes you and brings you joy. Implement.

+Discover what drains you and brings you down. Eradicate.

+Keep turning towards your pain.

+Crying is like taking a shit. It’s not the prettiest thing in the world, but it’s even worse when you avoid “doing your business.” Cry often.

+Ask for what you want, and be ok with the answer.

+Keep some awareness on your heart when you’re angry. This way instead of straight anger, you’re practicing “heart-anger” (credit: Robert Augusts Masters)

+The women in your life already know when you’re angry, sad, ashamed, withholding, etc, so you might as well talk about it.

+”Stress” is the high-achievers word for “fear.”

+Fear is not the enemy. Resisting and avoiding fear is the enemy. Don’t fear fear (sorry, JFK); embrace fear with consciousness and compassion.

+Simple communication is usually the most powerful.

There is a beautiful, intelligent structure to the cosmos, and there is order in the chaos. Let us continue to investigate courageously the deep structures of reality, both inside and out.

Love,

Aaron

P.S. None of my musings are really anything like life coaching at all. Life coaching isn’t about giving advice or offering pithy quotes, it’s about asking questions and uncovering deep motivations and those obstacles which stands in the way of getting what you want.

I’m currently offering powerful 1-1 life coaching to help you become more ALIVE, more free, more energized, more connected to that which fuels you and released from that which drains you. Shoot me an e-mail at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com with a few paragraphs about you, what you want and what is on your mind. If it seems like I can serve you, I’ll block off a complimentary 1-2 hours of my time to talk on the phone or Skype. Maybe we’ll solve your issue right then and there! All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

A Story About Making Decisions When The Pressure Is On And How To Change Your Old Beliefs

It was dusk. The early autumn air was still warm and humid.

“I’d like to slow down,” I said.
“Are you going to walk with me or not?” she retorted.

That’s when I felt a subtle discomfort in the pit of my stomach, the slightest anxiety, and I thought I’ve got to make a decision right now. For me, in that moment, the pressure was on.

To me it was clear she was angry, her frustration continuing to build as she began walking increasingly more quickly.

I had an urge to slow down, to be with the sensations, to explore what was going on for me and for her. I wanted to connect more deeply and be real with what was happening.

But: I had to make a decision. I had to be decisive. That’s what men do! They make decisions right now!

Unfortunately, I made a quick decision to continue walking with her. And as we continued along the open city greenway through the park, a sinking feeling in my chest began to fester.

I brought this up to my life coach a few days later. He seemed surprised I had given this one situation so much thought. We talked about it, but didn’t come to any real conclusions.

I brought it up to him again the next week, still trying to digest what had happened. And even though we processed it quite a bit more, I still didn’t understand why it was bothering me so much.

Finally, after around 3 weeks, I realized why I was so obsessed with this moment and what I needed to learn from it.

See, to any stranger glancing at our exchange, there might have been to them nothing odd about a young man and woman having a polite although maybe quippy, short verbal exchange.

But for me there was a lot of sensation and confusion underneath the surface.

I continued walking with her. In fact, she and I continued to have a polite conversation for the next hour or so until our walk ended and we bid each other goodnight.

Even writing the words “polite conversation” makes me a little sick. Polite conversation is what you do when you’re in the doctor’s waiting room. It’s what you do when you’re not being real with each other, when it’s more comfortable to pretend, and you’ll probably never see that person again anyway.

Polite conversation isn’t what you do when you want to deeply connect with someone you really care about.

I’m not too big on polite conversation these days. I prefer real conversations, which, in other words, is meeting the other person at the depth to which they’re capable in a given situation. (It’s sometimes called meeting people where they’re at.)

This fateful night, the lesson I learned has continued to be, for me, so valuable.

The lesson?

Don’t rush a decision. When in doubt, pause. And get curious.

That’s it!

What I wanted in that moment was a deeper connection. I wanted to get her world. I wanted to know what was going on with her at a deeper level, what she was feeling, and mostly if she would be willing to show up and connect with me (even a tiny bit).

I wish that conversation had gone like this, “I’d like to slow down.”
She says, “Are you going to walk with me or not?”
I wish I would have replied, “I want to walk with you, however, would it be ok to ask you a couple questions first?”

If she had said “no,” then great! I would have turned around and gone home.

Obviously, she would not have wanted any real connection, and I would have been sad, but pleased that we had done the right thing instead of continuing with pretentious, polite conversation.

If she had said “yes” then, great! I would have asked about how she was feeling, if she were willing to slow down and let me know what was going on for her, if there was anything she needed or if I could support her in any way.

Imagine that difference.

But I had a rule: gotta be decisive, man.

This situation happened over a year ago, but the lesson has stuck with me ever since.

I’ve got a new rule now: when in doubt, slow down, pause and get curious. I’m still practicing this new rule.

Look, obviously, there’s a balance between analyzing the info and the whole “paralysis of analysis trap” that many people fall into as well.

(Surprise, it all comes back to “balance” again.)

My point in sharing this with you is because we all have these types of rules.

We’ve all got rules that we learned at whatever stage of development, and these rules are running the show until we become aware of them.

When we become aware of our rules, it’s a beautiful thing, because we can literally make a decision if we like that rule or not.

And if we don’t like that rule we can change it.

So how do you change a rule? Two steps:

1) Notice what your current rule is
2) Set a new intention and PRACTICE that new intention until it becomes your new, automatic rule

Ideas become intentions become rules become beliefs become habits become our life.

We can upgrade our life dramatically when we get really good at finding our old, out-of-service rules and practicing new intentions until they become the new, drastically upgraded rules.

What is an old personal rule you used to have that you no longer abide by? What did you change the rule to?

Love,

Aaron

P.S. Becoming AWARE of your old, disempowering rules is the first step to becoming more fully ALIVE, and this process is powerfully catalyzed by a personal revolution self-discovery coach like me! For a limited time I’m offering 1-1 discounted sessions. Click the hyperlink “personal revolution self-discovery coach” for more info.

Money & Happiness Over Service And Creation Leads To No Money & No Happiness

It’s like all the money and savings experts say about how to actually save money, “Pay yourself first.”

If you don’t make the conscious, deliberate commitment to produce before you consume, you’ll be sucked into the current, and you won’t come out alive.

 

Money is important, it’s just not the most important thing. When we put money first, before virtues, it will never last. Whatever strategy where money comes before virtues, it may last for a while, but not for the long term.

When we put happiness first, before virtues, the happiness will not last either. Happiness, like money, is a by-product of the path, not the path itself. Money and happiness can indicate how we’re doing, but they’re not the path itself.

First virtues, then the by-products of those virtues. That’s the only way to sustain being ALIVE.

Life is short, and we’re all going to die, so why not go for every virtuous thing we want? Either way, we’re already dead.

So go for all of it. Don’t buy your own excuses. Learn how to sustain your passion and your joy. Cut out the bullshit and incorporate the good shit. Run toward your fear, and if you can’t run, then walk; if you can’t walk then crawl, and if you can’t crawl toward your fear, then at least be willing to look in its direction.

Drop those things that drain you and adopt those which fuel you.

It’s a rather simple equation, but it’s virtually impossible unless we have help from people who will hold us accountable and challenge us to see more and to be just a little truer than our current self-concepts would have us believe we are.

The comfort strategy will work for a while, until it doesn’t anymore.

The comfort strategy will work just great until you wake up one day with a crisis. Maybe your adrenals are burned out and you’ve only got 1 hour of energy a day, and, apparently, it’s time to either die or to change, to adopt new strategies and to shed the old ways that just aren’t working anymore.

It’s not always pleasant to die to the old. People often say that the truth will set you free, but what they often don’t say is that it might hurt when the chains come off.

People think fear is the enemy, but it’s not. Our avoidance and resistance to fear is the enemy.

Death is great. The natural fear of death we all have is great.

Why? Because the fear of death is so great for human beings that it will sometimes outweigh even our complacency to stay whom we’ve been. And in that case, there might be room for transformation.

Transformation can happen when we feel enough pain to consider that maybe we don’t know everything. We become so uncomfortable that we consider trying something new. We get so fucking desperate that we’ll turn off the TV, open a book, take a course, get a coach, anything to feel some relief.

There’s a thin, fuzzy line between courage and desperation.

And that’s ok. Whatever it takes to help us move. To motivate us. Pain can be quite the motivator.

As long as we’re no longer stagnating, rotting, festering in our old, warm, moldy putrid stories that used to lend us so much comfort.

Me? I want everything. I want it all. I want to be infinitely powerful. I want to experience myself as the universe, as the One and All, as everything and as nothing. As God.

And maybe that’s what we’re doing here on this tiny little speck in the Milky Way. It what we’re doing here on this one small planet, on one rather ordinary solar system in a relatively ordinary galaxy containing 500 billion other solar systems in a rather ordinary universe of 2 trillion galaxies, each with around 100 billion stars.

Compassion is in order.

The answers are in the questions, the movements, the stories, the searching, the experience, the stillness, the observation, the humility to admit conviction, uncertainty and desire.

The answers are in the experience and creation, and even in the destruction.

So go create something. Or, fuck it, go destroy something. Either way, it feels nice.

Love,

Aaron

P.S. For a limited time, I’m offering special discounted life coaching. E-mail me at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com if you’re interested in some deep, powerful, intuitive and life-changing coaching. If it seems like we might be a good fit (based on your e-mail to me), I’ll block off a complimentary 1-2 hours for you. It will be great fun for me, and potentially life-changing for you. If it feels right, at the end of the call I’ll make my offer.