We Can Feel The Intentions Of Others

I’ve gotten frustrated with the self-help crowd, especially the “new-agey” type for giving frequent, automatic and highly UNhelpful advice to me and others in the past.

When we just tell a motherfucker to “open your heart” or “be yourself,” sure, it’s a great opportunity to pat ourselves on the back for being a guru.

But truthfully, this type of advice is coming from a terribly unhelpful guru.

A great teacher knows when his students are not understanding him. A great teacher also stays with his students UNTIL THEY UNDERSTAND.

It took me years to understand what “open your heart” meant, and for the sake of anyone else who hasn’t understood it yet, what it means is simply placing awareness on your own heart.

Feel the sensations around your physical heart by tuning in to that area. In a similar way that you would become aware of any other part of your body, simply place your attention on it and notice the sensations.

When you notice the sensations in and around your heart, you’re on the way to “opening your heart.” It’s about being aware of the physical sensations around your heart.

Boom. Three small paragraphs. Not hard… and, by the way, if you still have questions, drop me a line or comment below and I’m happy to continue the conversation.

If a teacher feigns that YOU don’t understand what he or she is trying to explain, it’s not YOUR fault. It’s on the teacher to teach. If you’re not understanding, then the teacher is not doing his job.

I remember one professor in college who was particularly difficult when it came to exams. I heard multiple classmates say, “He’s just so smart that he doesn’t know how to explain it to us.” That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard.

I argue that if you can’t explain something to someone else, you probably don’t understand it all that well yourself.

Here’s what I wanted to write here from the beginning: I’ve learned something new and personally profound:

We can feel other people’s intentions.

I don’t hear people talking about this. People don’t say it so concisely.

I can usually feel your intentions.

An intention is what someone is wanting, behind what they may be saying or projecting or doing.

It’s highly unlikely we’ve got each other all figured out, as so often those with little social experience assume they do.

By the way, if you haven’t approached thousands of people to have conversations and to try to sell them something and/or to have sex with them, you’re probably in what I would call the “little social experience” category.

Massive social experience changes us. We can start seeing the patterns. We can start feeling the patterns, and the intentions and even the energy fields around people.

Notice what you imagine might be the intentions of those with whom you interact this week. If you really want to take it to the next level, get curious and ask them if what you’re sensing is true or not.

Notice whether you believe their answer or not.

One other fundamental lesson I’ve been re-learning this week I want to highlight here: Your opinion of yourself is the most important one. Other people often project their shit onto you, even when they “know you well.”

Remember to have compassion on people, and notice without having to react.

Most importantly, cultivate self-compassion, because how you treat yourself is how you treat the world.



“Speak To Me How I Want To Be Spoken To!” (On Pet Peeves)


I noticed I’ve had long held, high expectations on the communication style of others. My dad told me for years that I needed to chill out about that. When my close friends starting pointing it out, too, I started to pay a little more attention.

Imprecision of language has been a pet-peeve of mine for a while. But what has made the most difference for me to start letting go of such high expectations on the communication of others has been to notice that sometimes I completely screw it up, too. That and the fact that we’re all going to die.

Life has a peculiar way of humbling us, no matter how high we might rise at times. And that’s ok.

In fact, ultimately, it’s all ok.

Whether you’ve given it much thought or not, we all have a gun to our heads. We all have a 100% chance of dying. We probably don’t know when it’s going to happen, but we know it’s going to happen.

And in light of our impending death, a misplaced word or a lack of correlation between what is said vs what is meant, well, these things start to hold less charge for me.

In different ways, most of us seem to pardon transgressions a bit more easily as we become more intimate with our impending death.

It’s largely our impending death that gives life it’s urgency.

Largely, it’s death that actually makes life so valuable.

We’re allowed to have pet peeves, of course, but are they more important than connection or losing touch with our compassion?

I’m not saying let’s not strive for excellence–far from it. Excellence is our creed and duty.

But we all fuck it up from time to time. Sometimes we get tired or sad or just feel so damn small, and out of this pain we might react disproportionately, or we just don’t get it perfect somehow.

The driver who “cut you off” (these are charged words already)… Maybe he feels like a fuck-up deep down and is desperately trying to feel important. Who knows? This doesn’t mean we excuse wrongful behavior, but how about extending a little grace now and again? Is that so hard?

These distinctions can be hard to draw and define, but nonetheless, let’s do what we can do and PRACTICE!

We’ve all got our little pet peeves. You know yours!

Remember, the world is a reflection of you.

And last time I checked, the reflection of compassion looked better than the reflection of righteousness.