February Blues And Staying ALIVE

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I feel like such a hypocrite writing these posts sometimes. “Impostor syndrome” I’ve heard it called.

Fucking ALIVE.


All the things I most want, my highest values, my priorities, my truth. And I feel so far away from them so often. They say we teach what we most need to learn.

And so we persist. Gravitating towards the edges of what we recognize as most nearly real and sustainably pleasurable.

All this energy in our heads serves us well until it doesn’t anymore. Until we realize that our above-average intelligence is a by-product of feeling unsafe in our bodies. The underlying story: “My body is not safe, so I’ll refocus awareness in my head where I can figure things out.”

But that’s not working so well anymore.

What I hate sometimes is that it takes so much energy to heal.

It takes energy to heal.

I’ve paid thousands of dollars over the last few years to begin seriously healing. (Money ~ Energy –in case you hadn’t gotten that one yet.) I’ve invested LOADS of time into practicing healing.

I feel sad and hopeless when I think of my friends whom I doubt will win the battle. I imagine they’ll die before they realize they’ve mis-invested their energy. Better luck next life, I guess.

The truth is I’m bitter against my creator for setting it all up this way. Why did you make it so damn hard!? Did I want it this way? Did I really ask for this? Maybe I was so fucking bored with whatever I was doing before that I dreamed up this new “challenge mode” to play. Goddammit.

But at least we have each other. And we have a shot. I’ve been hopeless before, and I’m not hopeless in this moment. The whole world now seems to be teetering on the edge of the point of no return. What’s that physics term they use? Total capacity? Breaking point? Melt down? I don’t remember.

Oh yeah, “critical mass.”

Either way, death is probably just a new beginning.

It’s February again, could you tell? Fucking February.

This is the longest I’ve gone without alcohol or weed since I first used the substances in college.

I know the only way out is through. It’s the lesson I’ve been learning the last few years.

But god dammit it’s the patience part that sucks.

A dream here, a voice there. A few days of release followed by weeks of silence. A burst of anger, lost friends, several new friends who might not walk away when I show them my pain. #blessed.

I forgive you for turning your back on me. It hurt, but I needed the practice with the pain. And it’s all for the best, right?

All is well.

And it’s probably just February.



What Can You Do That You Love To Do?


When you know what you love to do, and you do that as much as you possibly can, your quality of life increases.

What brings you energy?

Is it eating healthy?
Taking a walk?
Texting a friend a silly joke?
Envisioning/Daydreaming about an awesome future?
Hot yoga?
Posting statuses on Facebook?
Making more sales calls?
Planning your future, listing your goals?
Crossing of items from your Action List (some people call it a “to-do list”)
Bringing your awareness to your heart and feeling gratitude?
Soul-gazing with a friend?
Making Mary Jane Bulletproof coffee?
Expressing your uncomfortable emotions and crying it out?
Taking cool classes? (Toastmasters is an awesome club I’ve been enjoying lately)
Experimenting with different modalities of healing, like acupuncture, massage therapy, reiki, etc.?
Watching Vine compilations?
Playing Lumosity?
Burning incense?
Drinking a delicious mug of hot tea?

How about what takes your energy?

Lack of clarity?
Unwillingness to express and feel/metabolize your uncomfortable emotions?
Too much Mary Jane Bulletproof coffee ;-)?
Eating unhealthily?
Say yes when you would rather say no?
Saying no when you would rather say yes?
Mindlessly scanning facebook or youtube?
Procrastinating important things?
Self-doubt when you could be reading?

When we compile our own lists of what brings us joy and energy vs what drains us, it gives a lot of clarity to our lives and reminds us that life can be really simple:

Just do more of what fuels you, less of what drains you.

And cry it out when you need to, even if that means every day most days.

That’s it. That’s how to life. Now you know.

Life is uncomfortable.

We can either accept the discomfort as a gift from the universe, urging us onto our soulpath, or we can resist it until we die.

When I look around, I see Nature with way too much design, too much love, too much perfection and purpose, too much jubilant expression and celebration to believe that this universe I’m a part of doesn’t also have an awesome purpose for me.

That’s just me.

Thank you so much for reading. Please take a few minutes to write down 5 things which you love to do (drink hot tea, take a walk, dance, sing, etc) and 5 things which drain you.

Grab out a blank sheet of paper and just take 60 seconds to do it.

You’ll be grateful for the clarity and renewal this simple action can bring.



The Insanity of “Need” and Why To Eradicate It Completely

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The reason most people are afraid to say, “I love you,” is because to them it means, “I need you.”

And in that case, they absolutely should be afraid of saying it.

“Need” is a negative,  creeping black hole that puts an insidious and intolerable pressure on those around it to be satisfied. However, need is arbitrary and, as such, can NEVER be satisfied.

When you believe that you “need” something, that means that you are lacking, inadequate, imperfect, not whole. It means that something outside of yourself is supposed to make you whole and perfect.

The tragedy is that we so often allow ourselves to believe that we need things. But when we allow ourselves to believe this, we miss out on knowing the truth, which is that we already have everything we need. EVERYTHING.


It is often said that humans have basic needs like clothes, shelter, food and water. However, this may be the most insidious of all the false beliefs surrounding the idea of “need” because by having a belief that ANY need is reasonable, all need becomes reasonable.

Now, you might respond here, “Obviously you need basic human needs or you will die! That’s why they call them ‘BASIC HUMAN NEEDS!!'”

Not so fast, my friend. Check your premises.

One of the false premises here is that dying is out of the question, when ultimately, we will all die a physical death. You are going to die. That’s not a question.

The question is: Will you consciously choose to live your best life while you are alive?

Of course, if you choose to neglect food, water and shelter, you probably won’t live for long. But recognizing that you have a choice either to believe you NEED these things or to believe you WANT these things is the difference between empowerment and victim-hood. Desire (WANT) originates from a context of power, need originates from the context of victim-hood. You get to choose the belief.

Are you starting to see why this is so powerful?

Let’s come back to the subject of love and need.

“I need love.”

—Yikes!! I cringe a little whenever I hear these words.

To “need” love would mean that you are missing love. A big part of the problem here is a misunderstanding of what love really is.

First, a few definitions of what love IS and is NOT:
-Love is an emotion (a feeling)
-Love is different from attraction, compassion, fondness, care or obsession, even though sometimes they can happen together.
-Love is not NEED
-Love cannot be given or taken, only offered
-Love comes from within oneself, and can only be received and shared to the extent one loves himself/herself (As Ayn Rand says, “In order to say ‘I love you’ you must first say ‘I'”)
-Engaging in the experience of love is a personal choice, you can opt in or out

The fact that Love does not originate from outside oneself can be confusing because of the phenomenon wherein the feeling of love is exponentially increased by the sharing of it. So even though it may seem as though love originates from outside oneself, it is simply not true. It is inside you and I and everything that exists, but can only be felt when we purposely connect to it and offer it first to ourselves and then, and only then, outwards.

Choosing your beliefs about Need boils down to the question of whether or not you want to be a victim or a leader.

Even if you are leading no one but yourself, you can still choose to forsake the drama of a victim mentality and begin to sort out what you can and cannot control.

Since the words we use influence how we think and therefore what we believe, make a commitment to take the word “NEED” out of your vocabulary when referring to the truth about yourself or others.

Don’t say “I need to eat,” say “I want to eat.” It’s a matter of speaking the truth and reinforcing the beliefs that you want to have. Don’t say “I need more money,” say, “I want more money.” This choice of words expresses the underlying beliefs, as words always do.

Remember that you have a choice.

In this moment, as in every moment, you will always have absolutely everything you need. Anything else is a desire, and you are entitled to pursue it. Getting it is a bonus.



It Takes Energy To Make Energy

It takes money to make money. We’ve all heard that platitude. But it’s time to wake up to the reality that money is a lot like energy, just once removed.

So let’s talk about energy.

Remember that the emotion follows the motion. E-motion, it comes “OUT OF” the motion.

So if you’re not feeling energetic, it’s because you haven’t been investing energy!

Just like with money, it’s important to make wise investments of energy.

However, unlike money, energy is something that is always readily available to us, no matter how much money we have in the bank, at least when we have our health. Energy is the most abundant resource in nature (I think)!

If you’re feeling tired and sluggish right now, take an inventory of where you’ve been investing your energy. Have you been investing any energy at all?

This blog right here is one of the ways that I invest energy. Actually, it does more for me than it can ever do for you!

Life is the most interesting, challenging, frustrating, complex and rewarding Role Playing Game (RPG) that you’ll ever play.

So learn the basic rules of it! There are structural rules to the game, like health, consciousness, energy, money, communication skills, relationships.

It all takes effort and energy. But if you’ve chosen life, if you’ve committed to life, you can learn them.

Just like in an RPG, if you want to level up faster, you’ve got to kill bigger and bigger monsters. Some, when you’re a newbie, are really hard to kill and you’ll have to wait until later. Some monsters, once you’ve advanced a whole lot won’t give you enough experience to level up almost at all.

In fact, I believe that in life, your skills aren’t just staying the same, like in an RPG, they’re actually going down if you don’t use them.

Remember the #1 rule of having a penis: use it or lose it.


So you’ve got to keep killing bigger monsters. You’ve got to take on challenges that really do challenge you and take you to the next level.

It doesn’t get easier either, it gets harder in a  lot of ways.

But it also gets more fun.

You get to watch yourself growing and living and kicking ass.

It takes patience, focus, energy, and recharging…

It’s awesome.

So what are you going to invest your energy in for the next hour? Are you going to just browse facebook? Or are you going to meditate, take 30 deep breaths, research more into your passion, look up ways that your current skills can either be sharpened or can be packaged in order to give more value.



Motion Creates Emotion

You can only give what you have. So if you’re offering good emotions, interesting observations, humor, companionship, love, etc, that means you have it.

The more of it you give, the more of it you must have. If you didn’t have it, you wouldn’t be able to give it.

What if you don’t feel good or interesting or funny or loving in the moment?

Well, remember that emotions follows motion. The Latin prefix “e” means “from” or “out of.” So emotion literally means “from motion.” In other words, if you ACT funny, you may be able to amuse yourself. Try amusing yourself first, instead of amusing others. Trying to amuse others can be perceived as reaction-seeking and therefore needy. Trying to amuse yourself is self-sustaining, non-needy and healthy. And interestingly, when you amuse yourself, generally other people are amused, too, as long as they can understand it.

If you don’t feel loving, well, how about try loving yourself first. Act loving. Accept where you are, focus on what is right about where you are and where you are headed, and allow yourself to feel your own love, care and admiration. You are important! Chances are, after you allow yourself to love yourself, you’ll feel more capable and in a better position to love another.

Life is difficult. It’s full of paradox and it’s so often downright confusing. These actions mentioned above (like all actions) take effort. They take energy. But these types of actions are positive, energy-creating actions, meaning that when you’ve done them, you feel energized instead of drained. Some actions drain us. Some energize us. Negative, Positive.

Make sure you’re devoting ample time to mastering yourself, understanding your body and mind and the world. Love yourself. Because as Ayn Rand said, “In order to say, ‘I love you, you must first say “I.”‘”

Take a minute to congratulate yourself for how far you’ve come.

Really, what are you proud of right now? What is going RIGHT in your life? What are you grateful for?


Remember, if you’re focusing on it, that’s what you’ll get more of. So make sure you’re focusing on what you actually want, not what you DON’T want.




You’ll Never Be Done!

Retirement is a myth. It’s a lie told to you by people who try to appeal to your monkey brain wish that one day you’ll be done.

The truth is, that as long as you are alive, you are not done.

Life takes energy.

Life takes effort.

Life takes MONEY (read energy).

Now you might say, “Come on, Aaron! You know that there is such a thing as retirement! One day, I’m going to retire.”

Well, let me ask you something. Then what? What will you do with your time?

Maybe you’ll even have saved up enough money to be able to live extravagantly well. However, you’re still going to have to brush your teeth if you want to keep them clean. You’ll still have to take out the trash if you want to keep your house smelling good. You’ll still have to work out conflicts and misunderstandings in your relationships if you want to grow in them.

There is no such thing as maintenance. You can not maintain your optimal circumstances at all times.

You’re either growing, or you’re dying.

So accept the fact that you’ll never be done until you die. Start taking even better care of your health, your goals, your relationships, your self… live as if you”ll have something special to give back to people for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Cuz, son, you ain’t done ’til you die.

Love & Peace,