My Life Coaching Is Not For People Who “Need” It

My coaching is for high performers, for those committed to personal growth in an uncommon way.

My coaching is for people going from good to great, for the high achievers, for the Elite-level players, for the entrepreneurs, for the spiritual psychonauts and dedicated soul-searchers.

We’re all playing the game of life, of course, in the sense that we’re all here and we’ve all got goals and dreams and hopes and challenges.

But some of us have that rare type of courage which impels us to intentionally expose and examine not just our light and positivity and success, but especially to expose our vulnerabilities and frustrations and straight-up darkness TO THE LIGHT of compassionate, connected awareness, in service of living a life led by more Inspiration, Desire and Freedom, and what I like to call feeling fully ALIVE.

Getting coaching requires a rare kind of courage: A courage to examine the inner working’s of one’s own Mind, Body & Spirit, both the light and the dark.

And being committed to serving a client’s highest good is often intense (for both of us) because it means not letting them off the hook… tenaciously, fiercely and compassionately following their tensions and passions, their fears and desires, their darkness and their light in order to reveal more of whom they are becoming and of whom they are meant to be.

To shine a light into the darkness!

To deeply question fundamental stories, patterns and beliefs and install new and better ones!

To be taken to the precipice of uncertainty…  …and to step off of it!

To fiercely examine what’s working and what’s not!

To dream bigger, wider and deeper than ever!

That’s a little bit of what my coaching is about…

I noticed that some people are under the impression that Coaches are for people who “need help.”

Please. It’s just not like that.

Sure, we all have individual challenges and edges and goals and pursuits. We’re all simultaneously growing and dying at different levels and states and stages.

But understand that the level of personal security and confidence and courage required to get life coaching puts a coachee in an elite category of commitment to personal growth and success. ELITE.

It makes sense when you think about it, right?

Getting coaching, whether it’s for a short-term goal like weight-loss or physical energy or finding a partner, or for longer-term goals like entrepreneurial goals or spiritual and emotional development—someone willing to get coaching already has so much more resourcefulness than the average person, and much more conscious desire to HAVE their Desires.

And, resourcefulness, of course, is the thing. Not resources. To quote the great Tony Robbins, “People always think it’s about resources, but it’s not. It’s about resourceFULNESS.”

My clients are super-people, and they just want even more of an edge, even more clarity and inspiration and to grow their enormous, shining, star-orbs of light and awareness–because they want to and because they can.

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That’s why my clients are upgrading their lives, their resourcefulness, their Awareness and clarity, their relationships (Love), their focus and alignment with their values (Integrity), their physical Vitality, their unique Excellence.

They want to play the game of life at a higher level. At the highest levels, really.

So:

If you want even more out of YOUR life: more Freedom, more Awareness, more Love, Integrity, Vitality & Excellence–if you want to feel even more fully ALIVE— send me a message at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com with a little bit about what you want and what challenges are in the way of having what you want.

Or if you know any high-growth oriented people who are on the path of conscious, intentional expansion and who have some big dreams and goals they could use support with, send them my way.

Right now I’ve got a few spots left for free one-on-one video calls, and I’m looking to get those filled ASAP.

Be fully ALIVE,

Aaron

A Few Musings

I want the truth more than I want anything else, because, instinctively, I know that the truth will set me free.

I know this in my bones.

I know it like I know beautiful music from harsh, grating notes.

We can know truth, in it’s various forms.

The measure of inner truth is sincerity. Is she genuine in expressing her inner world? Does she believe what she’s saying about her inner world? Do I believe she believes what she’s saying? That’s called subjective truth. (It’s “true” for her.)

We can also believe something sincerely, and that belief can be totally false objectively. Our sincerity in the belief we can jump off a cliff and fly, will not negate the existence of gravity.

The measure of outer truth is objective, empirical, scientific. Does the proposition match reality? Can the facts be verified and repeated?

I’ve been searching for the truth for as long as I can remember.

Here are some of the my current (subjective) truths:

+There is often more truth in the questions than there are in the answers

+Add softening qualifiers like “some,” “sometimes” or “often” to statements and they become truer. For example: “People love ice cream.” –not quite as true as “Some people love ice cream.”

+Good musicality and imagery of language increases resonance in communication. People will usually feel the communication more, and thus understand more. This includes rhyming, orderliness and simplicity. Syntax counts.

+Good music doesn’t lie.

+People are almost always terrified of uncertainty, and will desperately cling to what we already believe, usually until it becomes too painful to continue with those same beliefs. Death is not too painful for many, in this scenario.

+Live with the questions for as long as it takes. Don’t allow your intense desire for certainty overpower your precious curiosity. Your brain is not on your side, in this respect. It is literally hardwired to find certainty in what you already believe and to ignore any evidence which might contradict presuppositions.

+Patience is paramount.

+Discover what energizes you and brings you joy. Implement.

+Discover what drains you and brings you down. Eradicate.

+Keep turning towards your pain.

+Crying is like taking a shit. It’s not the prettiest thing in the world, but it’s even worse when you avoid “doing your business.” Cry often.

+Ask for what you want, and be ok with the answer.

+Keep some awareness on your heart when you’re angry. This way instead of straight anger, you’re practicing “heart-anger” (credit: Robert Augusts Masters)

+The women in your life already know when you’re angry, sad, ashamed, withholding, etc, so you might as well talk about it.

+”Stress” is the high-achievers word for “fear.”

+Fear is not the enemy. Resisting and avoiding fear is the enemy. Don’t fear fear (sorry, JFK); embrace fear with consciousness and compassion.

+Simple communication is usually the most powerful.

There is a beautiful, intelligent structure to the cosmos, and there is order in the chaos. Let us continue to investigate courageously the deep structures of reality, both inside and out.

Love,

Aaron

P.S. None of my musings are really anything like life coaching at all. Life coaching isn’t about giving advice or offering pithy quotes, it’s about asking questions and uncovering deep motivations and those obstacles which stands in the way of getting what you want.

I’m currently offering powerful 1-1 life coaching to help you become more ALIVE, more free, more energized, more connected to that which fuels you and released from that which drains you. Shoot me an e-mail at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com with a few paragraphs about you, what you want and what is on your mind. If it seems like I can serve you, I’ll block off a complimentary 1-2 hours of my time to talk on the phone or Skype. Maybe we’ll solve your issue right then and there! All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

A Story About Making Decisions When The Pressure Is On And How To Change Your Old Beliefs

It was dusk. The early autumn air was still warm and humid.

“I’d like to slow down,” I said.
“Are you going to walk with me or not?” she retorted.

That’s when I felt a subtle discomfort in the pit of my stomach, the slightest anxiety, and I thought I’ve got to make a decision right now. For me, in that moment, the pressure was on.

To me it was clear she was angry, her frustration continuing to build as she began walking increasingly more quickly.

I had an urge to slow down, to be with the sensations, to explore what was going on for me and for her. I wanted to connect more deeply and be real with what was happening.

But: I had to make a decision. I had to be decisive. That’s what men do! They make decisions right now!

Unfortunately, I made a quick decision to continue walking with her. And as we continued along the open city greenway through the park, a sinking feeling in my chest began to fester.

I brought this up to my life coach a few days later. He seemed surprised I had given this one situation so much thought. We talked about it, but didn’t come to any real conclusions.

I brought it up to him again the next week, still trying to digest what had happened. And even though we processed it quite a bit more, I still didn’t understand why it was bothering me so much.

Finally, after around 3 weeks, I realized why I was so obsessed with this moment and what I needed to learn from it.

See, to any stranger glancing at our exchange, there might have been to them nothing odd about a young man and woman having a polite although maybe quippy, short verbal exchange.

But for me there was a lot of sensation and confusion underneath the surface.

I continued walking with her. In fact, she and I continued to have a polite conversation for the next hour or so until our walk ended and we bid each other goodnight.

Even writing the words “polite conversation” makes me a little sick. Polite conversation is what you do when you’re in the doctor’s waiting room. It’s what you do when you’re not being real with each other, when it’s more comfortable to pretend, and you’ll probably never see that person again anyway.

Polite conversation isn’t what you do when you want to deeply connect with someone you really care about.

I’m not too big on polite conversation these days. I prefer real conversations, which, in other words, is meeting the other person at the depth to which they’re capable in a given situation. (It’s sometimes called meeting people where they’re at.)

This fateful night, the lesson I learned has continued to be, for me, so valuable.

The lesson?

Don’t rush a decision. When in doubt, pause. And get curious.

That’s it!

What I wanted in that moment was a deeper connection. I wanted to get her world. I wanted to know what was going on with her at a deeper level, what she was feeling, and mostly if she would be willing to show up and connect with me (even a tiny bit).

I wish that conversation had gone like this, “I’d like to slow down.”
She says, “Are you going to walk with me or not?”
I wish I would have replied, “I want to walk with you, however, would it be ok to ask you a couple questions first?”

If she had said “no,” then great! I would have turned around and gone home.

Obviously, she would not have wanted any real connection, and I would have been sad, but pleased that we had done the right thing instead of continuing with pretentious, polite conversation.

If she had said “yes” then, great! I would have asked about how she was feeling, if she were willing to slow down and let me know what was going on for her, if there was anything she needed or if I could support her in any way.

Imagine that difference.

But I had a rule: gotta be decisive, man.

This situation happened over a year ago, but the lesson has stuck with me ever since.

I’ve got a new rule now: when in doubt, slow down, pause and get curious. I’m still practicing this new rule.

Look, obviously, there’s a balance between analyzing the info and the whole “paralysis of analysis trap” that many people fall into as well.

(Surprise, it all comes back to “balance” again.)

My point in sharing this with you is because we all have these types of rules.

We’ve all got rules that we learned at whatever stage of development, and these rules are running the show until we become aware of them.

When we become aware of our rules, it’s a beautiful thing, because we can literally make a decision if we like that rule or not.

And if we don’t like that rule we can change it.

So how do you change a rule? Two steps:

1) Notice what your current rule is
2) Set a new intention and PRACTICE that new intention until it becomes your new, automatic rule

Ideas become intentions become rules become beliefs become habits become our life.

We can upgrade our life dramatically when we get really good at finding our old, out-of-service rules and practicing new intentions until they become the new, drastically upgraded rules.

What is an old personal rule you used to have that you no longer abide by? What did you change the rule to?

Love,

Aaron

P.S. Becoming AWARE of your old, disempowering rules is the first step to becoming more fully ALIVE, and this process is powerfully catalyzed by a personal revolution self-discovery coach like me! For a limited time I’m offering 1-1 discounted sessions. Click the hyperlink “personal revolution self-discovery coach” for more info.

Money & Happiness Over Service And Creation Leads To No Money & No Happiness

It’s like all the money and savings experts say about how to actually save money, “Pay yourself first.”

If you don’t make the conscious, deliberate commitment to produce before you consume, you’ll be sucked into the current, and you won’t come out alive.

 

Money is important, it’s just not the most important thing. When we put money first, before virtues, it will never last. Whatever strategy where money comes before virtues, it may last for a while, but not for the long term.

When we put happiness first, before virtues, the happiness will not last either. Happiness, like money, is a by-product of the path, not the path itself. Money and happiness can indicate how we’re doing, but they’re not the path itself.

First virtues, then the by-products of those virtues. That’s the only way to sustain being ALIVE.

Life is short, and we’re all going to die, so why not go for every virtuous thing we want? Either way, we’re already dead.

So go for all of it. Don’t buy your own excuses. Learn how to sustain your passion and your joy. Cut out the bullshit and incorporate the good shit. Run toward your fear, and if you can’t run, then walk; if you can’t walk then crawl, and if you can’t crawl toward your fear, then at least be willing to look in its direction.

Drop those things that drain you and adopt those which fuel you.

It’s a rather simple equation, but it’s virtually impossible unless we have help from people who will hold us accountable and challenge us to see more and to be just a little truer than our current self-concepts would have us believe we are.

The comfort strategy will work for a while, until it doesn’t anymore.

The comfort strategy will work just great until you wake up one day with a crisis. Maybe your adrenals are burned out and you’ve only got 1 hour of energy a day, and, apparently, it’s time to either die or to change, to adopt new strategies and to shed the old ways that just aren’t working anymore.

It’s not always pleasant to die to the old. People often say that the truth will set you free, but what they often don’t say is that it might hurt when the chains come off.

People think fear is the enemy, but it’s not. Our avoidance and resistance to fear is the enemy.

Death is great. The natural fear of death we all have is great.

Why? Because the fear of death is so great for human beings that it will sometimes outweigh even our complacency to stay whom we’ve been. And in that case, there might be room for transformation.

Transformation can happen when we feel enough pain to consider that maybe we don’t know everything. We become so uncomfortable that we consider trying something new. We get so fucking desperate that we’ll turn off the TV, open a book, take a course, get a coach, anything to feel some relief.

There’s a thin, fuzzy line between courage and desperation.

And that’s ok. Whatever it takes to help us move. To motivate us. Pain can be quite the motivator.

As long as we’re no longer stagnating, rotting, festering in our old, warm, moldy putrid stories that used to lend us so much comfort.

Me? I want everything. I want it all. I want to be infinitely powerful. I want to experience myself as the universe, as the One and All, as everything and as nothing. As God.

And maybe that’s what we’re doing here on this tiny little speck in the Milky Way. It what we’re doing here on this one small planet, on one rather ordinary solar system in a relatively ordinary galaxy containing 500 billion other solar systems in a rather ordinary universe of 2 trillion galaxies, each with around 100 billion stars.

Compassion is in order.

The answers are in the questions, the movements, the stories, the searching, the experience, the stillness, the observation, the humility to admit conviction, uncertainty and desire.

The answers are in the experience and creation, and even in the destruction.

So go create something. Or, fuck it, go destroy something. Either way, it feels nice.

Love,

Aaron

P.S. For a limited time, I’m offering special discounted life coaching. E-mail me at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com if you’re interested in some deep, powerful, intuitive and life-changing coaching. If it seems like we might be a good fit (based on your e-mail to me), I’ll block off a complimentary 1-2 hours for you. It will be great fun for me, and potentially life-changing for you. If it feels right, at the end of the call I’ll make my offer.

How To Pull $14,000 Out Of Thin Air (A Future Case Study)

I took the Men’s Course with OneTaste in Austin, TX last weekend. I laughed, I cried (twice). And I was immersed in the heartfelt warmth of an elite group of courageous men and women who want the truth more than they want anything else.

People who want to be fully alive. Those are my kind of people! People who are willing to put their self-concept on the line, to let their ego get battered and bruised and shattered to smithereens a little.

These are not ordinary people.

Maybe the hardest thing in the world is for a human being to transform.

It requires the courage to face death.

I’m really not kidding at all, I hope you know that.

Our ideas about who we are–they’re so limited! And we will do almost anything to keep them surviving along like ragged zombies pushing against a rusty barbed-wire fence, guarding a treasure of rotten cabbages.

Me? I want to play a bigger game. I want to play the game where the stakes are higher, the rush is more intense. The fire is hotter. The water is deeper.

That’s why I came here, to earth, to be a fucked up person with all you fucked up people. 😉

But seriously.

I want to sign up for the OneTaste Coaching Program because I’ve never encountered another community, another movement more dedicated to the truth and dedicated to directly grappling with the most charged, most fucked up areas of human existence: sex, money & power.

Even just saying those words out loud sets some people off. I may have lost a few people just by writing those words. All 3 of them at the same time, too.

The spot of highest sensation. That’s where the juice is. Wherever you feel activated, nervous, tense…. that’s the guide. Go there. Stay there.

The sensation I’m talking about is in our bodies. Our bodies which, unlike our words, always tell the truth.

So over the next year, I’ll be putting out a couple vlogs a week. I’ll be doing much more life-coaching than I’ve ever done before.

I’ve got to find a way to create $14,000 out of thin air because that’s the price of tuition (before travel, room and board, another +/-$7k).

I don’t see all the details. I only see the next step. And I’m scared. I’m excited. I feel responsible, almost burdened. Can this really happen?

Who will get life coaching from me? Who will donate? How can I say yes to something I don’t know all the details of?!

Maybe I should continue playing the “safe, responsible” game where I ignore my deepest desires, and instead just stay with the lame corporate job with the reasonable health care plan, smoke weed, watch internet porn, eat too many carbs and whatever else I can do to numb the unremitting intensity of my desire, my insatiable lust for REAL LIFE.

By the way, it’s ok to have the lame corporate job as long as you’re ON THE WAY OUT. If you’ve got a corporate job you love, I’m not talking about you. I’m talking about the loads of people who hate their jobs, or don’t really like their jobs, and what they want is so much more.

It’s ok to use non-dream jobs as stepping stones, as long as they are temporary stepping stones, and we continually challenge ourselves to move more fully toward what we *really* want. You feel me?

I choose my desire. It doesn’t mean I ain’t scared. But it does mean I’m being real about what I want.

I’m asking life for more, because I want it. And because I feel that life is asking a whole lot from me.

I’m offering 6-session coaching packages for $1000 each. Each session is an hour. If you know anyone who might want some life coaching, please have them reach out to me!

In these sessions, we will tune into your body, into your desire, into your truth. We’ll excavate the layers of fear, stuckness, anger, shame, whatever may have you feeling smaller than you really are.

Of course, you are infinite.

We just forget our infinity from time to time, maybe for the joy of remembering…

We are all infinite. However, this life is finite. You are going to die. And my question to you is, how much do you want to live before you die? How ALIVE do you want to be? Do you want your wildest dreams to come true?

Me? I want to live just a little bit more, a little bit bigger, deeper, higher and wider.

I want to be fully ALIVE.

And I would love for you to come along with me!

If you or someone you know might want some life coaching, drop me a line at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com about what you want, about your dreams, and about what is standing in the way. All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

Much love and gratefulness to you.

Aaron

P.S. Check out www.reallifeconnectioncoach.com/coaching for more info about my life coaching style and what life coaching with me may be able to do for you!

Self-Ownership & Overcoming Fear

Who do you think you are?

Well, chances are, unless you’ve achieved the non-dual realization of Oneness with everything and nothing, who you THINK you are is not who you REALLY are. And for all I know, maybe the “non-dual realization” is only the beginning. I’ll let you know when I find out ;p

I believe that becoming fully ALIVE is a process of discovering and uncovering the layers of constriction that block the flow of life through you.

I believe that who YOU are at your deepest is INFINITE, like the universe itself. You, like the universe, are infinite.

No bounds, baby.

And the only thing standing in the way of this realization is your pitiful holding on to the limited version of yourself that you think you are right now. (I do this, too.)

I’ve got a little theory about life, fear, peace and violence. I’m still working on it, but it goes something like this:

Life begins as a brilliant impulse. The intensity of that impulse is high.

When we are confronted with that continued growth-impulse throughout our development as children (and also adults), when we experience a little bit of it, we have a choice.

We can allow the intensity of that impulse to flood our system, to enliven us, to invigorate and enlighten us.

But like I said, that impulse is fucking intense.

It’s so intense that most of us will, at some point in our development, choose to say no. We block it. We constrict around it. We simply do not trust the intensity of that sensation, of that level of expanding aliveness. This is usually done unconsciously, in other words, without awareness.

And that is when that impulse becomes fear.

It could have been excitement. But you tried to restrict it.

Fear is the potential enlightenment of the prime impulse that gets constricted and turns dark and stuck.

Fear is the opposite of trust; fear is what happens when we try to control the impulse of life.

When we choose an attempt to control LIFE instead of trusting LIFE, we enter into a world of fear. The characteristics of fear, those habits which perpetuate fear are control, constriction, opacity/lack of curiosity, desperation, clinging to the illusion of safety, attempts to force/coerce others against their will, power *over* others, condemnation, and a win/lose outlook.

When we trust LIFE, those characteristics are in direct opposition to attempts to control her. These are openness, transparency, investigation, curiosity, confidence, letting go, attempts to persuade and understand others, power *with* others, compassion, and a win/win outlook.

The foundation built from attempts to control life leads straight from fear to suffering to violence. Any attempt to control another adult human being against their will is violent because, at the very least, it carries the threat of violence.

The foundation built on the trusting of life leads to the high-sensation worldspace of freedom, responsibility, prosperity, wisdom, and the highest possible levels of peace and aliveness and connectedness.

Obviously, in life, there will always be some degree of suffering and unrest. Growth, as far as I can tell, seems to be an inherently uncomfortable process. But our attempts to control life only lead to more suffering.

Again, any coercion or force applied to another against their will is violent because it carries the threat of violence. This is the path of control, the path of fear and ultimately of staying small and desperate, stuck and stagnate.

Those with full respect for another’s self-ownership/self-sovereignty will never initiate the threat of violence on another, whether it is direct or by proxy, by mercenary.

Leaders lead. They don’t threaten their people with violence. They reach out with respect for others’ minds and hearts, and they inspire their followers by integrity of example, by going first, by serving their followers and their cause. Anyone who threatens others with violence is not a leader, but a despot, a tyrant, a criminal.

Do you disagree?

WHO OWNS YOU BUT YOURSELF?

It is crucial to understand, in the defense and protection of LIFE, as the ultimate standard of morality, that fear is not the enemy.

Fear is not the enemy. In fact, one of the best ways to overcome fear is to run toward it, to dive into it, to stare it in the face until its desperate, silly little game reveals itself as the farce that it really is.

Fear is ultimately a lie. It is sometimes a highly convincing lie, but it is based on an avoidance of life, of avoiding truth and transparency, and it is but a withering pang of desperation in the face of real love and truth, freedom and responsibility.

Remember! Fear is not the enemy.

The enemy is the attempt to control life, the initiation of the threat of violence on another or our own bodyminds, NO MATTER how beautiful one’s imagined end-game utopia seems to be under this coercive ideology.

There are lots of beautifully-intentioned people out there, but many of them adopt a coercive ideology as a means to fulfill their dreams. That’s not sustainable, and it’s actually EVIL when morality is defined as protecting and defending life, self-ownership and vitality.

98% of us want peace and prosperity for all. (Statistically speaking, 2% of the population are sociopaths, so we’ll just go with 98%.) And either way, it is the VAST majority that wants peace and prosperity for all. (note: those 2% are probably the ones hurting the most.)

The great challenge therein, is the means to that end.

Our theoretical, philosophical means are different.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing, because individually, as self-owning human beings, our individual ends we seek are personal. My caution is when we go beyond ourselves in order to influence, let us remember that other people are also self-owners and we have NO RIGHT to threaten them with violence if they do not comply.

Remember that commissioning a government to carry out your wishes is using the threat of violence by proxy. Hiring someone (a mercenary) to do the dirty work is just as bad as doing it yourself.

You want different things from what I want. Success for you is NOT necessarily what success is for me. We want similar things, perhaps, but we are individuals with different wants and needs. We are self-owning individuals. Are we not?

I prefer to let you go about your methods and means freely, AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT HARM MY LIFE, MY REAL PROPERTY, AND THE VITAL RESOURCES WE ALL MUST SHARE (like water, air, forests, wildlife, oceans, etc).

I hope you want the same for me.

I don’t know about you, but I’m a survivor. And I WILL DEFEND my life and real property and vital resources from violence and the threat of violence.

As Patrick Henry so eloquently asked a couple hundred short years ago, “Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?”

No fucking way.

So what will be your answer when you are asked: Who owns you?!

You own you, baby. I hope that’s fucking clear.

Lean into the fear. Discover the lies it has been telling. Know the truth and be free.

Love,

Aaron

PS: As many of you know, I’ve been building my life coaching business since being recently certified as a Bulletproof™Coach. I’ve actually been considering re-branding myself as a self-discovery coach, because I’m finding that that is possibly what I do best. I help you discover who you *really* are (which can be quite intense) so that you can be fully ALIVE.

I ask deep, intuitive questions, exquisitely following my curiosity, reflecting and amplifying your presence–and the results so far have been great! I’m currently offering discounted rates, too, while I’m still building my clientele. If you’d like to have a revolutionary self-discovery conversation with me and feel out if some transformational coaching might be just what you need, check out: www.reallifeconnectioncoach.com/coaching and drop me a line!

Lessons I’ve Learned From Depression

Sometimes I feel more like the Fake Death Disconnection Wannabe-Coach than the Real Life Connection Coach.

Sometimes I want to curl up into a ball, fall asleep and never wake up. Sometimes I’ll spend days or even weeks at a time dipping in and out of self-destructive and suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, and purposelessness.

Depression takes me down, down, down, so deep into an abyss. When I’m in it, it feels like nothing really matters. It can be sunshiny and beautiful outside, but all I see is gray.

So I’d like to share a few lessons I’ve learned and tools that have personally helped me through it.

#1: Asking the question: What really matters to me?

This question brings me back to my heart. What do I CARE about? Sometimes it seems like there is breathtakingly little I still care about, but I search and search because I know that if I’m still alive then there must be SOMETHING keeping me here.

This is super, super important, because it gets me in touch with my heart. What we care about lives in our hearts. The words care and core are practically the same word. The latin root word cor means heart (as in the word courage), and although it might not be scientifically etymologically correct, for me these words are close enough to make a connection.

I get depressed when I’m out of touch with what I care about (what’s in my HEART)–when I’m not prioritizing what I care about. For better or worse, when I’m not acting on what is most important to me, I feel sad, depressed, angry, and overall just “down.”

For the past few weeks I have not been prioritizing going out to meetups and networking and meeting people to talk to about my coaching business! My coaching business and, more deeply, helping people feel more ALIVE, energized and WHOLE is one of my deepest passions right now, and, thankfully, my heart won’t let me quit on this.

This leads me to the second thing that’s helped me out a LOT:

#2: Allowing myself to feel depressed/down/angry/sad and sharing it with close, trusted friends, life coaches and healers.

It feels a little risky to me posting this blog and video because I’m admitting I sometimes feel deeply, hopelessly depressed. What if some government organization uses this as evidence that they need to forcibly medicate me (against my will) and inject chemicals into me that numb my mind and spirit?!? That’s a genuine fear for me, probably the biggest one. I’m also afraid I’ll be misunderstood, or that people will run away from me, or that I’ll be shunned and isolated because I have problems.

Here’s the deal with that though. Depression, sadness, being “down” is NOT a problem, it’s a GIFT.

I imagine someone reading this might be thinking “How can depression possibly be a fucking gift, man? I mean, COME ON!!!”

See, if I never got depressed and sad and down, then I would be fine doing the things I’ve always done, not ever getting closer to growing my life coaching business. I would be ok to let my health and friendships and finances decay, because after all, if I’m feeling AWESOME ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME, why would I want anything different?!?

What’s important to understand is that the “down” emotions are your friends.

They don’t feel like our friends when we’re emotionally unskillful, but they ARE our friends.

Working with our emotions is a SKILL. It’s a skill I’ve gotten better and better at, by practicing and practicing and practicing, and being patient and meditating…

The basic skill is to BE WITH our emotions.

We often spend MASSIVE energy avoiding, fighting, minimizing or rationalizing our emotions, instead of just being with them.

When we become more skillful at this, we can often allow our emotions to move through us much more quickly.

Now, “quickly” is relative, because sometimes it feels like FOREVER when we’re in the thick of it.

For me, what helps me “let it go” (which translated into more practical terms is: allow it to move) is spending time feeling it, and, especially, feeling it and becoming intimate with that emotion in the presence of someone I love who loves me/cares about me, and who is skillful enough to simply listen to me and ask curious, compassionate, patient questions until I can “go over the edge” and feel the depth, the pain, the tormented part of myself I’d been freezing in my body.

That’s what we’re habituated to, by the way. We’re habituated to FREEZING the emotions in our system, generally speaking. And that’s what creates more fear and more pain, is this contracting, this wall, this blockade we create, often automatically, because we don’t feel safe to actually feel the depth of what we’re feeling.

When we fight with reality, it takes a massive amount of energy, and in the end, reality still wins.

Here’s another helpful principle: The emotion is NOT telling the whole story. It’s telling part of the story.

In the moment, the emotion can often feel so fucking painful that it feels like it IS everything, that the emotion is the only thing that has ever or will ever exist.

The emotion can feel like it will suffocate us, drown us, kill us and leave our body to hang out to die.

That’s why we run. We’re not ready to die.

But what is amazing, and so fucking rewarding is that we don’t die. In fact, a little part of our ego dies (our ego being who we think we are vs who we actually are), and we get to discover a greater depth and width and height of Being we never previously knew.

And we learn how to have these “little deaths” over and over again.

We get better at dying these little deaths, which ironically, counter-intuitively, and with so much pleasurable surprise allows us to be MORE FULLY ALIVE THAN WE EVER IMAGINED POSSIBLE.

Being fully ALIVE is just a little bit more nuanced than it might appear to be on the surface because being fully ALIVE means feeling the UP and the DOWN. We don’t get one without the other.

LIFE includes DEATH, and when we celebrate ALL THAT IS, we discover reality and we begin to align with the Infinite Soul.

Being fully ALIVE is worth dying for.

And I’m here to listen if you’d like to talk.

I believe that the world is dying to be ALIVE, and being ALIVE starts by discovering the great mystery of who we really are and what we really care about.

I’d love to be a part of your discovery, so drop me a line if you’re open to chat about your life, to get fucking REAL, drop the bullshit, and experience MORE.

Let’s be more fully ALIVE!

Love,

Aaron

A Few Words On Freedom

Life coaching2
No man or woman owns us. We own ourselves. We do not own each other.
I re-read the USA Declaration of Independence yesterday and broke down in tears when I got to the end. I care about freedom so much, and I hate so much how our freedoms are being taken away, bit by bit, by those who would force us to comply with their ideologies. Coercion, the initiation of force by one over another in order to elicit non-consensual compliance, that is where immorality begins. We must be vigilant to protect ourselves and the world against this type of evil.
When we become so arrogant as to force others to comply with our own ideologies, when we know what is best for others and MAKE THEM COMPLY–whether they agree or not–we are overstepping our bounds.
The good news is, that in the end, the truth always wins. It doesn’t look like we think it will look, but a castle with a foundation built on deceit, lies, fear and the forcing of compliance, that structure will always crumble in the end.
Fear is not the enemy, unless we run from it. Fear is simply the darkness into which we are called to shine the light of truth. Fear is that ever-expanding circumference around the brilliant orb of our being which calls us to expand into our glory and be that much more fully ALIVE.
Love,
Aaron

Life Is Like A Garden

We may often find ourselves trying to escape the intensity of what we feel. (Or maybe that’s just me.)

Sometimes it just feels like too much, doesn’t it?

If our garden has overgrown with weeds and we still desire to have a beautiful, productive garden, we can choose to ignore the weeds or we can get to work.

And especially at first it may feel overwhelming.

“There are too many damn weeds in here!” “These weeds have completely taken over!” “There’s no chance!” Those are the limiting beliefs that have us turn away from tending and towards our pre-tending–pretending that there’s any other way to get true sustenance than the natural process of long-term nurturing, tending, observing, digging.

So we sack up. We start pulling out the weeds one by one. We enlist our friends, our coaches, our communities, our therapists, our pets, haha, whichever resources we can think of.

And eventually, we make a little progress. Then a little more. And a little more.

The weeds never stop growing altogether, but when we tend to them daily, we stay on top of them more easily.

And we keep growing, changing with the seasons, becoming something new.

Life is like our own little garden.

And we get to choose what grows there!

Be ALIVE today,

Aaron

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Cialdini Commentary + Video

CASE IN POINT! The psychology of persuasion as Robert Cialdini writes about JUST FREAKING HAPPENED! As I was packing up my tripod after recording this, a group of 4 well dressed people was passing by. I told them, “You just missed being famous!”

And to my surprise they all stopped and stared at me. One man said, “What do you mean?”

So I told them I read books and record videos about them and post them online and that they could have gotten a spot in it but they were just a hair too late.

I was joking, by the way.

The guys asks, “What’s your website?”

I told him. He said he’d check it out. We bid each other farewell.

The funny thing is, I was totally joking around with them at first, but this situation clearly demonstrated the 6th principle of Influence: SCARCITY!

We hate missing out!

And when I told them they had just missed out, I wasn’t intentionally trying to get them interested in what I was doing, I just said it as a joke and then almost instantly realized how I had just used one of the most compelling principles of influence.

Wow! That was powerful.

I hope y’all all read the book and become a little wiser to the world of compliance, and a little bit less easy to trick into complying to something that might not be your best choice.

You can pick up a copy here.

Peace, Love & Grass Fed Butter,

Aaron

Man’s Search For Meaning by Victor Frankl Commentary + Video

 

 

Not by any stretch of the imagination am I comparing my suffering to the suffering endured by Victor Frankl and other holocaust victims.

However, there are parallels to suffering in general, and Victor Frankl’s perspective can apply greatly to our lives today, because whether we appear to have every possible comfort in life or to be deprived of every comfort in life, we can still be suffering regardless.

There’s so much wisdom to be gained from people like Frankl who endured so much and survived.

The 3 main ways he proposes we can find meaning in life:
1. Through our work
2. Through experiences (like loving someone or observing a beautiful sunset)
3. Through necessary suffering

I was also pleased to discover from the book that the German philosopher Nietzsche was attributed as the first to say, “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.” It wasn’t Kanye West.

You can pick up a copy of the book here.

Love,

Aaron

“The Game” by Neil Strauss Review + Video

At some point in our lives, however briefly, all men are pick up artists.

Some men will unconsciously learn from a young age what makes women tick, and they’ll grow up pre-selected by women, never really struggling with dates or sex. These guys are called the “naturals.”

Some men never bother to learn at all, and many of these guys will still “luck out,” find a woman, and manage to pop out a couple kids during their lifetime.

And then there are the self-proclaimed pick up artists, like me.

For better or for worse, there exists a very real subculture of men who at some point, usually during our youth, we lost our way when it came to being naturally attractive to women.

Many of us come from deep wounding, from not feeling loved or lovable, from pathological sexual repression and shame.

Many of us felt neglected, abandoned and betrayed until the pain got deep enough and we got desperate enough to do something–anything–about it.

That’s my story anyway.

And it’s a common one.

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss was one of my favorite reads of all time.

It’s the story of a hopelessly loveless and sexless dude who discovers this secret society of men who through the study of part art, part science have dedicated their lives and, in many cases, their livelihood to mastering the art of seduction.

The book came out a full 10 years ago, and I’m slightly ashamed I’ve put off reading it until now. I would say that instead of reading the book, I’ve actually been going out to meet women (which is true), but I really don’t have any valid excuses.

It’s an awesome book, a fascinating story, and I’d say it’s at least 95% true.

I’m familiar with most of the pick up artists mentioned in the book, and I’ve met Tyler Durden on a few occassions. I took one of his Hot Seat programs a few years ago and saw him in Las Vegas last year.

So if you haven’t already ordered a copy of the book, do yourself a favor and read through it. You can grab a copy here.

One important caveat is that the book is now 10 years old, and “The Game” as it’s known and evangelized in the “pickup community” has changed from one more generally focused on seduction, canned routines and lines, to one much more centered around attraction.

Great pick up artists understand that attracting high quality women into our lives for the long term isn’t about seducing women. Attracting high quality women into our lives is simply the product of becoming high quality, naturally attractive men.

As David DeAngelo said 15 years ago, “Attraction is not a choice.”

But I’ll add that becoming more attractive IS a choice.

And a high quality, naturally attractive man is built, not born.

My life (and the lives of many of my friends) have been transformed through studying success.

And I’m not going to pretend that I’m studying success in business but not studying success in other areas of my life where I have desires.

Who has energy for pretense anymore anyway?

If you’ve got some goals and dreams, maybe you’ve had for a while, and you’re ready to stop procrastinating on achieving them, head over to the Life Coaching page, fill out the application for a free introductory session, and I’ll be in touch with you soon.

Aaron