My Life Coaching Is Not For People Who “Need” It

My coaching is for high performers, for those committed to personal growth in an uncommon way.

My coaching is for the A student who does the extra credit work even though they would pass just fine without it. (Not that I approve of institutionalized academics.)

My coaching is for people going from good to great, for the high achievers, for the Elite-level players, for the entrepreneurs, for the spiritual psychonauts and dedicated soul-searchers.

We’re all playing the game of life, of course, in the sense that we’re all here and we’ve all got goals and dreams and hopes and challenges.

But some of us have that rare type of courage which impels us to intentionally expose and examine not just our light and positivity and success, but especially to expose our vulnerabilities and frustrations and straight-up darkness TO THE LIGHT of compassionate, connected awareness, in service of living a life led by more Inspiration, Desire and Freedom, and what I like to call feeling fully ALIVE.

Getting coaching requires a rare kind of courage: A courage to examine the inner working’s of one’s own Mind, Body & Spirit, both the light and the dark.

And being committed to serving a client’s highest good is often intense (for both of us) because it means not letting them off the hook… tenaciously, fiercely and compassionately following their tensions and passions, their fears and desires, their darkness and their light in order to reveal more of whom they are becoming and of whom they are meant to be.

To shine a light into the darkness!

To deeply question fundamental stories, patterns and beliefs and install new and better ones!

To be taken to the precipice of uncertainty…  …and to step off of it!

To fiercely examine what’s working and what’s not!

To dream bigger, wider and deeper than ever!

That’s a little bit of what my coaching is about…

I noticed that some people are under the impression that Coaches are for people who “need help.”

Please. It’s just not like that.

Sure, we all have individual challenges and edges and goals and pursuits. We’re all simultaneously growing and dying at different levels and states and stages.

But understand that the level of personal security and confidence and courage required to get life coaching puts a coachee in an elite category of commitment to personal growth and success. ELITE.

It makes sense when you think about it, right?

Getting coaching, whether it’s for a short-term goal like weight-loss or physical energy or finding a partner, or for longer-term goals like entrepreneurial goals or spiritual and emotional development—someone willing to get coaching already has so much more resourcefulness than the average person, and much more conscious desire to HAVE their Desires.

And, resourcefulness, of course, is the thing. Not resources. To quote the great Tony Robbins, “People always think it’s about resources, but it’s not. It’s about resourceFULNESS.”

My clients are super-people, and they just want even more of an edge, even more clarity and inspiration and to grow their enormous, shining, star-orbs of light and awareness–because they want to and because they can.

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That’s why my clients are upgrading their lives, their resourcefulness, their Awareness and clarity, their relationships (Love), their focus and alignment with their values (Integrity), their physical Vitality, their unique Excellence.

They want to play the game of life at a higher level. At the highest levels, really.

So:

If you want even more out of YOUR life: more Freedom, more Awareness, more Love, Integrity, Vitality & Excellence–if you want to feel even more fully ALIVE— send me a message at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com with a little bit about what you want and what challenges are in the way of having what you want.

Or if you know any high-growth oriented people who are on the path of conscious, intentional expansion and who have some big dreams and goals they could use support with, send them my way.

Right now I’ve got a few spots left for free one-on-one video calls, and I’m looking to get those filled ASAP.

Be fully ALIVE,

Aaron

Yesterday I Danced To The Theme Of Freedom

It was difficult.

I go to an ecstatic dance meetup regularly, as part of my self-development and community practices. There are many of these “ecstatic dance communities” all over the world, each with its own unique culture. These groups consist of the most lovely variety of people engaging in free-form dancing, alone and/or with each other during an hour or two of conversation-free, drug-free, good ol’ booty shaking.

I’ve been a regular attendee for over a year at various groups, and I absolutely love it. It is such a joy and consistently one of the highlights of my week. (If you aren’t already part of one, Google ecstatic dance in your city and check one out or start one!)

Often, the music sets feature diverse and beautiful tunes from all over the world. Usually, the music starts slowly and gradually picks up pace and intensity, building into a fun, chaotic crescendo, before gradually tapering back off into slowness and eventually stillness.

Sometimes the DJ, or the person in charge of the playlist announces a theme before we start grooving.

Yesterday’s theme was freedom.

And I feel so heavy about freedom.

I want freedom so badly, both inside and out.

A few months ago I was re-reading the US Declaration of Independence, pondering the ardor of those souls who dared separate from their oppressors, and I literally sobbed.

They were willing to risk everything, and, of course, they did. Lucky for many of us they did.

And not so lucky for many others, too, for example, the people whose land they stole and pillaged in the name of their God and their “righteous” cause.

I’m speaking of the indigenous Americans, of course, who are still routinely oppressed and pillaged today.

Freedom is such a loaded word, because, on the one hand, we all want to be free, but on the other hand, many people are willing to ENFORCE their version of freedom onto other people.

And a freedom which does not respect individual freedom and property rights is no true freedom.

If it’s only freedom for you but not for me: That’s not freedom.

Freedom always comes with responsibility. Without taking responsibility, there is no freedom. Without an individual taking self-responsibility, there is no individual freedom.

Part of that means dropping our entitlement ideas that anyone owes us anything.

Taking self-responsibility means accepting that no one owes you anthing.

And that’s another problem with popular ideas of “freedom.”

Freedom is usually terrifying, because it entails waking up, facing reality and taking self-responsibility. This applies in the internal and external worlds.

Freedom is terrifying in our own physical bodies, which is why we so often constrict them and hold tension in them in a desperate attempt to avoid Nature in her naked truth and raw intensity.

And it really does cost everything we have, or at least everything we think we have (our ego, our self-concept must die and be reborn for freedom to flourish).

Let’s first talk about freedom in the external world:

Real freedom, true freedom, a deep, radical, self-responsible freedom is one which lets go of ALL attempts to control others, to manipulate and deceive others, to take advantage of others, or to take rightful property from others. None of this is tolerated by true freedom. Otherwise we wouldn’t be free.

Freedom will not tolerate lies. Lies are the stuff of fear, of control, and ultimately, if perpetuated, of violence.

Albert Camus famously said, “The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.”

Real freedom is downright offensive to those who wish to control and to oppress and to maddeningly equalize.

There are many people that speak of freedom who want nothing more than to command you to obey.

But that’s not freedom now, is it?

There are many people with beautiful intentions, with souls that long for peace and for paradise, whose idea of freedom means your censorship, your oppression, your obedience to their ideals and their god.

But that’s not freedom either!

That’s oppression idealized and masquerading as freedom.

That’s Utopia’s empty promises of “do what I say” and “enact my committee’s plan” “don’t go too high or too low” and you will finally be free.

See, the concept of radical freedom can be really hard for those who want it only for themselves and their own select, chosen, inspired and enlightened group of people…

I advocate a deeper freedom, a freedom based on individual self-responsibility and a respect for sacred Nature, starting with our physical bodies and extending to the World.

A freedom which does not transgress the self-sovereignty of the individual. A freedom in which your consent is NOT optional!

(I’m speaking of adults here, there are, of course, some obvious responsibilities that parents have for their children, and I’m not addressing those separate issues here.)

I’m talking about a freedom which does not say “because you are peacefully excellent, you must pay me a tax, you must pay your ‘fair’ share, (and fair is whatever we deem it to be!)”.

This is based on the non-aggression principle (NAP), which essentially teaches that the initiation of violence or the threat of violence on an individual or their property is a violation of basic human rights. Violence is only permissible if used in self-defense.

There are many people who see the world only in terms of win-lose, which says, “If I win, then someone, has to lose.” This is a childish worldview.

Do these types of transactions happen? Obviously they do. But they are far from the norm, and they are unsustainable in a free world where free people will choose to work with those who do not repeatedly deceive them.

The more transparency and responsibility people have, the less often these win-lose transactions happen. And the world is clearly trending up in transparency and freedom, and therefore also in prosperity and in reduction of violence. Look at the transparency that is demanded of many companies these days–MUCH more than ever was in the past.

This will continue as long as we promote freedom and self-responsibility, and detest control and “power-over.”

Many people see the world mostly in terms of power-over: “In order for me to be more powerful, you must be less powerful.”

It’s an elementary worldview, with a distracted focus because, even though this is the case sometimes, it is not sustainable. A socioeconomic structure based on “power-over” others will not last.

The reason it won’t last is simple: The more people wake up and become aware, the less they will tolerate being controlled.

The only way to control people is to lie to them, and to keep them in resistance to fear, to manipulate them.

Control, the path of violence, is only maintained by deception. There is no other way to control free people. And as human beings, our birthright is self-sovereign, self-responsible freedom.

Freedom, on the other hand, the path of peace, is only maintained by self-responsibility, truth and transparency. There is no other way to keep it from those who would attempt to control us and make us do what they think is best for us whether we like it or not. (Think: taxes, forced equality, ideological oppression and forced conformity, censorship of free speech and of art).

In a horrifying, maddened quest for equality, and in a well-intentioned but violent attempt to end suffering, many people impugn free speech and privilege as grounds for oppression, while glorifying and exalting sickness and mediocrity, simultaneously downplaying the evils of censorship and oppression. The world really has gone mad.

And this is not what freedom looks like!

Freedom is not glorification of sickness, as we hear the youth of this country exclaim, “Sick!” as a slang stand-in for when they mean something is “great!”

I 100% respect their right to say that.

Censorship of speech and the criminalizing of any non-violent actions is one of the tackiest, most offensive, most ridiculous forms of attempting to control others. These tactics are employed by desperate, control oriented, immature people who are terrified of words and ideas and free people, and essentially conflate words and ideas with actions.

And, of course, words do have meanings, and my point here about the slang “sick!” is that it is essentially exalting sickness AS health: That’s a symptom that something has gone awry.

We’ve forgotten what is real freedom.

In an attempt to escape a “freedom” which persecutes those who are different (an ethnocentric freedom–“my culture gets freedom but not yours”), some of us have simply gone too far and elevated equality before individual freedom.

The astute Milton Friedman observed, “The society that puts equality before freedom will end up with neither. The society that puts freedom before equality will end up with a great measure of both.”

So do we stand for real freedom or not?! Do we value individual property rights or not?! Do we respect the consent of each other or not when it comes to taking from each other one’s life, limbs or their rightfully earned living?!

Or has our idea of external freedom been reduced to a politically correct, bastardized form of “consent” barely even masquerading as equality that says, “I won’t hurt your feelings if you don’t hurt mine.”

I’m talking about FREEDOM: self-ownership of our bodies, of what goes into them and what we do with them, and individual property rights, based on a nature-honoring paradigm which necessitates deep self-responsibility and transparency. THAT, is FREEDOM.

We’ve got to know what we stand for in this crazy place.

REAL freedom that includes the rights to our bodies and our spiritual development, because, of course, that is what this is ultimately all about.

A few words about Freedom and the Body:

Freedom is so often terrifying to most of us because we’ve got our bodies themselves on lock-down, tightly controlled by the incessant dictator voice in our heads.

Every place in our body that we are contracting with tension and resistance to the flow of nature is a place that we are attempting to control Nature, as opposed to honoring Nature. An attempt to control Nature, as Ayn Rand says, is an attempt “to assert the primacy of our consciousness over existence” instead of surrendering our consciousness, our self-concept (our ego) to the fierce and wonderful and terrific nature of reality and the REALITY OF NATURE itself.

Wherever we try to control our bodies, our internal worlds, with tightness and tension and resistance to fear, this shows up in the external world around us.

As above, so below. As within, so without.

It has been said that enlightenment is simply being totally relaxed.

And there are studies which have demonstrated that when there is no tension in any of the muscles of the body, it is physiologically impossible to feel fear.

So, of course, it is up to us, as self-responsible leaders to become free first.

That is what leadership is: going first. Real power, real leadership sees the world in terms of win-win, of self-responsibility and of excellence through peaceful, freely offered service–the only sustainable way to excellence and to being fully ALIVE.

Real freedom knows that unless you win, I don’t win.

I only win if you win, too. “Win-win.”

SO HOW DO WE CREATE THIS WORLD?!?

Sometimes I really just don’t know.

And sometimes I feel exhausted just thinking of it, like when I was dancing yesterday–exasperated because sometimes I just don’t fucking know.

And many times I feel hopeless when I think of all the people who want to control others and extract resources from others through FORCE; when I think of all the people who want to censor each other and command each other to obey instead of invite each other to enjoy.

How can we cultivate real, self-responsible freedom?

I do have one suggestion:

Meditate with your body. Feel more. Feel the tension, the spots of resistance, where you are attempting to control Nature, where you do not trust Nature, where you would rather believe the distortions, the lies that nature is not for you. And relax those parts. Over and over and over.

Start with a few minutes a day.

Recognize that fear is not the enemy. Your resistance to fear is the enemy. Fear is simply a strong sensation, an impulse which has been clamped down upon in your nervous system, creating chronic contraction and resistance, and if sustained, bodily sickness.

Fear does not exist when we embrace it, because it instantly transmutes itself into an energetic force which impels us into excited action.

Have patience with this process, because our bodies are often genuinely TERRIFIED of freedom. Freedom, real freedom includes self-responsibility and transparency, realization, and many of us are not ready to be free.

There are many parts of myself that I still keep constricted, controlled, on “lock-down.” Those parts of myself aren’t ready for freedom yet either. That’s why I meditate pretty much every day and work with healers and teachers and I thirst for knowledge and vitality. Because I want to be free. I want to be fully ALIVE.

In summary:

Becoming free is a process that takes DEVOTION.

Becoming free takes persistence, mentorship and training, tolerance for risk, a thirsty-as-fuck curiosity, a willingness to try new things, to read new things, to listen a little more closely, to speak a little more loudly, to be the truest version of yourself and, ultimately, to let “who you think you are” die.

Be patient with yourself because to die can be terrifying, and it is what real freedom asks of our self-concepts, our egos: “who we think we are.”

Freedom really does cost everything we have. Real freedom, which starts internally, in the body, asks of us a sacred ego-death which welcomes and transforms us from who we thought we were into whom we are meant to be. And then it asks us to keep doing that. Over and over and over. Then it spreads to the external world.

You will not become free by feeling like it might be nice.

You will neither attain nor keep freedom by always being nice to people and tolerating their attempts to control you.

You will not become free by making others obey your version of freedom.

You will not become free by accident.

Freedom, like self-responsibility, is a choice.

Choose freedom.

Love,

AZ

A Few Musings

I want the truth more than I want anything else, because, instinctively, I know that the truth will set me free.

I know this in my bones.

I know it like I know beautiful music from harsh, grating notes.

We can know truth, in it’s various forms.

The measure of inner truth is sincerity. Is she genuine in expressing her inner world? Does she believe what she’s saying about her inner world? Do I believe she believes what she’s saying? That’s called subjective truth. (It’s “true” for her.)

We can also believe something sincerely, and that belief can be totally false objectively. Our sincerity in the belief we can jump off a cliff and fly, will not negate the existence of gravity.

The measure of outer truth is objective, empirical, scientific. Does the proposition match reality? Can the facts be verified and repeated?

I’ve been searching for the truth for as long as I can remember.

Here are some of the my current (subjective) truths:

+There is often more truth in the questions than there are in the answers

+Add softening qualifiers like “some,” “sometimes” or “often” to statements and they become truer. For example: “People love ice cream.” –not quite as true as “Some people love ice cream.”

+Good musicality and imagery of language increases resonance in communication. People will usually feel the communication more, and thus understand more. This includes rhyming, orderliness and simplicity. Syntax counts.

+Good music doesn’t lie.

+People are almost always terrified of uncertainty, and will desperately cling to what we already believe, usually until it becomes too painful to continue with those same beliefs. Death is not too painful for many, in this scenario.

+Live with the questions for as long as it takes. Don’t allow your intense desire for certainty overpower your precious curiosity. Your brain is not on your side, in this respect. It is literally hardwired to find certainty in what you already believe and to ignore any evidence which might contradict presuppositions.

+Patience is paramount.

+Discover what energizes you and brings you joy. Implement.

+Discover what drains you and brings you down. Eradicate.

+Keep turning towards your pain.

+Crying is like taking a shit. It’s not the prettiest thing in the world, but it’s even worse when you avoid “doing your business.” Cry often.

+Ask for what you want, and be ok with the answer.

+Keep some awareness on your heart when you’re angry. This way instead of straight anger, you’re practicing “heart-anger” (credit: Robert Augusts Masters)

+The women in your life already know when you’re angry, sad, ashamed, withholding, etc, so you might as well talk about it.

+”Stress” is the high-achievers word for “fear.”

+Fear is not the enemy. Resisting and avoiding fear is the enemy. Don’t fear fear (sorry, JFK); embrace fear with consciousness and compassion.

+Simple communication is usually the most powerful.

There is a beautiful, intelligent structure to the cosmos, and there is order in the chaos. Let us continue to investigate courageously the deep structures of reality, both inside and out.

Love,

Aaron

P.S. None of my musings are really anything like life coaching at all. Life coaching isn’t about giving advice or offering pithy quotes, it’s about asking questions and uncovering deep motivations and those obstacles which stands in the way of getting what you want.

I’m currently offering powerful 1-1 life coaching to help you become more ALIVE, more free, more energized, more connected to that which fuels you and released from that which drains you. Shoot me an e-mail at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com with a few paragraphs about you, what you want and what is on your mind. If it seems like I can serve you, I’ll block off a complimentary 1-2 hours of my time to talk on the phone or Skype. Maybe we’ll solve your issue right then and there! All correspondence will be kept strictly confidential.

Money & Happiness Over Service And Creation Leads To No Money & No Happiness

It’s like all the money and savings experts say about how to actually save money, “Pay yourself first.”

If you don’t make the conscious, deliberate commitment to produce before you consume, you’ll be sucked into the current, and you won’t come out alive.

 

Money is important, it’s just not the most important thing. When we put money first, before virtues, it will never last. Whatever strategy where money comes before virtues, it may last for a while, but not for the long term.

When we put happiness first, before virtues, the happiness will not last either. Happiness, like money, is a by-product of the path, not the path itself. Money and happiness can indicate how we’re doing, but they’re not the path itself.

First virtues, then the by-products of those virtues. That’s the only way to sustain being ALIVE.

Life is short, and we’re all going to die, so why not go for every virtuous thing we want? Either way, we’re already dead.

So go for all of it. Don’t buy your own excuses. Learn how to sustain your passion and your joy. Cut out the bullshit and incorporate the good shit. Run toward your fear, and if you can’t run, then walk; if you can’t walk then crawl, and if you can’t crawl toward your fear, then at least be willing to look in its direction.

Drop those things that drain you and adopt those which fuel you.

It’s a rather simple equation, but it’s virtually impossible unless we have help from people who will hold us accountable and challenge us to see more and to be just a little truer than our current self-concepts would have us believe we are.

The comfort strategy will work for a while, until it doesn’t anymore.

The comfort strategy will work just great until you wake up one day with a crisis. Maybe your adrenals are burned out and you’ve only got 1 hour of energy a day, and, apparently, it’s time to either die or to change, to adopt new strategies and to shed the old ways that just aren’t working anymore.

It’s not always pleasant to die to the old. People often say that the truth will set you free, but what they often don’t say is that it might hurt when the chains come off.

People think fear is the enemy, but it’s not. Our avoidance and resistance to fear is the enemy.

Death is great. The natural fear of death we all have is great.

Why? Because the fear of death is so great for human beings that it will sometimes outweigh even our complacency to stay whom we’ve been. And in that case, there might be room for transformation.

Transformation can happen when we feel enough pain to consider that maybe we don’t know everything. We become so uncomfortable that we consider trying something new. We get so fucking desperate that we’ll turn off the TV, open a book, take a course, get a coach, anything to feel some relief.

There’s a thin, fuzzy line between courage and desperation.

And that’s ok. Whatever it takes to help us move. To motivate us. Pain can be quite the motivator.

As long as we’re no longer stagnating, rotting, festering in our old, warm, moldy putrid stories that used to lend us so much comfort.

Me? I want everything. I want it all. I want to be infinitely powerful. I want to experience myself as the universe, as the One and All, as everything and as nothing. As God.

And maybe that’s what we’re doing here on this tiny little speck in the Milky Way. It what we’re doing here on this one small planet, on one rather ordinary solar system in a relatively ordinary galaxy containing 500 billion other solar systems in a rather ordinary universe of 2 trillion galaxies, each with around 100 billion stars.

Compassion is in order.

The answers are in the questions, the movements, the stories, the searching, the experience, the stillness, the observation, the humility to admit conviction, uncertainty and desire.

The answers are in the experience and creation, and even in the destruction.

So go create something. Or, fuck it, go destroy something. Either way, it feels nice.

Love,

Aaron

P.S. For a limited time, I’m offering special discounted life coaching. E-mail me at aaron@reallifeconnectioncoach.com if you’re interested in some deep, powerful, intuitive and life-changing coaching. If it seems like we might be a good fit (based on your e-mail to me), I’ll block off a complimentary 1-2 hours for you. It will be great fun for me, and potentially life-changing for you. If it feels right, at the end of the call I’ll make my offer.

Self-Ownership & Overcoming Fear

Who do you think you are?

Well, chances are, unless you’ve achieved the non-dual realization of Oneness with everything and nothing, who you THINK you are is not who you REALLY are. And for all I know, maybe the “non-dual realization” is only the beginning. I’ll let you know when I find out ;p

I believe that becoming fully ALIVE is a process of discovering and uncovering the layers of constriction that block the flow of life through you.

I believe that who YOU are at your deepest is INFINITE, like the universe itself. You, like the universe, are infinite.

No bounds, baby.

And the only thing standing in the way of this realization is your pitiful holding on to the limited version of yourself that you think you are right now. (I do this, too.)

I’ve got a little theory about life, fear, peace and violence. I’m still working on it, but it goes something like this:

Life begins as a brilliant impulse. The intensity of that impulse is high.

When we are confronted with that continued growth-impulse throughout our development as children (and also adults), when we experience a little bit of it, we have a choice.

We can allow the intensity of that impulse to flood our system, to enliven us, to invigorate and enlighten us.

But like I said, that impulse is fucking intense.

It’s so intense that most of us will, at some point in our development, choose to say no. We block it. We constrict around it. We simply do not trust the intensity of that sensation, of that level of expanding aliveness. This is usually done unconsciously, in other words, without awareness.

And that is when that impulse becomes fear.

It could have been excitement. But you tried to restrict it.

Fear is the potential enlightenment of the prime impulse that gets constricted and turns dark and stuck.

Fear is the opposite of trust; fear is what happens when we try to control the impulse of life.

When we choose an attempt to control LIFE instead of trusting LIFE, we enter into a world of fear. The characteristics of fear, those habits which perpetuate fear are control, constriction, opacity/lack of curiosity, desperation, clinging to the illusion of safety, attempts to force/coerce others against their will, power *over* others, condemnation, and a win/lose outlook.

When we trust LIFE, those characteristics are in direct opposition to attempts to control her. These are openness, transparency, investigation, curiosity, confidence, letting go, attempts to persuade and understand others, power *with* others, compassion, and a win/win outlook.

The foundation built from attempts to control life leads straight from fear to suffering to violence. Any attempt to control another adult human being against their will is violent because, at the very least, it carries the threat of violence.

The foundation built on the trusting of life leads to the high-sensation worldspace of freedom, responsibility, prosperity, wisdom, and the highest possible levels of peace and aliveness and connectedness.

Obviously, in life, there will always be some degree of suffering and unrest. Growth, as far as I can tell, seems to be an inherently uncomfortable process. But our attempts to control life only lead to more suffering.

Again, any coercion or force applied to another against their will is violent because it carries the threat of violence. This is the path of control, the path of fear and ultimately of staying small and desperate, stuck and stagnate.

Those with full respect for another’s self-ownership/self-sovereignty will never initiate the threat of violence on another, whether it is direct or by proxy, by mercenary.

Leaders lead. They don’t threaten their people with violence. They reach out with respect for others’ minds and hearts, and they inspire their followers by integrity of example, by going first, by serving their followers and their cause. Anyone who threatens others with violence is not a leader, but a despot, a tyrant, a criminal.

Do you disagree?

WHO OWNS YOU BUT YOURSELF?

It is crucial to understand, in the defense and protection of LIFE, as the ultimate standard of morality, that fear is not the enemy.

Fear is not the enemy. In fact, one of the best ways to overcome fear is to run toward it, to dive into it, to stare it in the face until its desperate, silly little game reveals itself as the farce that it really is.

Fear is ultimately a lie. It is sometimes a highly convincing lie, but it is based on an avoidance of life, of avoiding truth and transparency, and it is but a withering pang of desperation in the face of real love and truth, freedom and responsibility.

Remember! Fear is not the enemy.

The enemy is the attempt to control life, the initiation of the threat of violence on another or our own bodyminds, NO MATTER how beautiful one’s imagined end-game utopia seems to be under this coercive ideology.

There are lots of beautifully-intentioned people out there, but many of them adopt a coercive ideology as a means to fulfill their dreams. That’s not sustainable, and it’s actually EVIL when morality is defined as protecting and defending life, self-ownership and vitality.

98% of us want peace and prosperity for all. (Statistically speaking, 2% of the population are sociopaths, so we’ll just go with 98%.) And either way, it is the VAST majority that wants peace and prosperity for all. (note: those 2% are probably the ones hurting the most.)

The great challenge therein, is the means to that end.

Our theoretical, philosophical means are different.

It’s not necessarily a bad thing, because individually, as self-owning human beings, our individual ends we seek are personal. My caution is when we go beyond ourselves in order to influence, let us remember that other people are also self-owners and we have NO RIGHT to threaten them with violence if they do not comply.

Remember that commissioning a government to carry out your wishes is using the threat of violence by proxy. Hiring someone (a mercenary) to do the dirty work is just as bad as doing it yourself.

You want different things from what I want. Success for you is NOT necessarily what success is for me. We want similar things, perhaps, but we are individuals with different wants and needs. We are self-owning individuals. Are we not?

I prefer to let you go about your methods and means freely, AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT HARM MY LIFE, MY REAL PROPERTY, AND THE VITAL RESOURCES WE ALL MUST SHARE (like water, air, forests, wildlife, oceans, etc).

I hope you want the same for me.

I don’t know about you, but I’m a survivor. And I WILL DEFEND my life and real property and vital resources from violence and the threat of violence.

As Patrick Henry so eloquently asked a couple hundred short years ago, “Is life so dear or peace so sweet as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?”

No fucking way.

So what will be your answer when you are asked: Who owns you?!

You own you, baby. I hope that’s fucking clear.

Lean into the fear. Discover the lies it has been telling. Know the truth and be free.

Love,

Aaron

PS: As many of you know, I’ve been building my life coaching business since being recently certified as a Bulletproof™Coach. I’ve actually been considering re-branding myself as a self-discovery coach, because I’m finding that that is possibly what I do best. I help you discover who you *really* are (which can be quite intense) so that you can be fully ALIVE.

I ask deep, intuitive questions, exquisitely following my curiosity, reflecting and amplifying your presence–and the results so far have been great! I’m currently offering discounted rates, too, while I’m still building my clientele. If you’d like to have a revolutionary self-discovery conversation with me and feel out if some transformational coaching might be just what you need, check out: www.reallifeconnectioncoach.com/coaching and drop me a line!

Lessons I’ve Learned From Depression

Sometimes I feel more like the Fake Death Disconnection Wannabe-Coach than the Real Life Connection Coach.

Sometimes I want to curl up into a ball, fall asleep and never wake up. Sometimes I’ll spend days or even weeks at a time dipping in and out of self-destructive and suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, and purposelessness.

Depression takes me down, down, down, so deep into an abyss. When I’m in it, it feels like nothing really matters. It can be sunshiny and beautiful outside, but all I see is gray.

So I’d like to share a few lessons I’ve learned and tools that have personally helped me through it.

#1: Asking the question: What really matters to me?

This question brings me back to my heart. What do I CARE about? Sometimes it seems like there is breathtakingly little I still care about, but I search and search because I know that if I’m still alive then there must be SOMETHING keeping me here.

This is super, super important, because it gets me in touch with my heart. What we care about lives in our hearts. The words care and core are practically the same word. The latin root word cor means heart (as in the word courage), and although it might not be scientifically etymologically correct, for me these words are close enough to make a connection.

I get depressed when I’m out of touch with what I care about (what’s in my HEART)–when I’m not prioritizing what I care about. For better or worse, when I’m not acting on what is most important to me, I feel sad, depressed, angry, and overall just “down.”

For the past few weeks I have not been prioritizing going out to meetups and networking and meeting people to talk to about my coaching business! My coaching business and, more deeply, helping people feel more ALIVE, energized and WHOLE is one of my deepest passions right now, and, thankfully, my heart won’t let me quit on this.

This leads me to the second thing that’s helped me out a LOT:

#2: Allowing myself to feel depressed/down/angry/sad and sharing it with close, trusted friends, life coaches and healers.

It feels a little risky to me posting this blog and video because I’m admitting I sometimes feel deeply, hopelessly depressed. What if some government organization uses this as evidence that they need to forcibly medicate me (against my will) and inject chemicals into me that numb my mind and spirit?!? That’s a genuine fear for me, probably the biggest one. I’m also afraid I’ll be misunderstood, or that people will run away from me, or that I’ll be shunned and isolated because I have problems.

Here’s the deal with that though. Depression, sadness, being “down” is NOT a problem, it’s a GIFT.

I imagine someone reading this might be thinking “How can depression possibly be a fucking gift, man? I mean, COME ON!!!”

See, if I never got depressed and sad and down, then I would be fine doing the things I’ve always done, not ever getting closer to growing my life coaching business. I would be ok to let my health and friendships and finances decay, because after all, if I’m feeling AWESOME ABOUT EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME, why would I want anything different?!?

What’s important to understand is that the “down” emotions are your friends.

They don’t feel like our friends when we’re emotionally unskillful, but they ARE our friends.

Working with our emotions is a SKILL. It’s a skill I’ve gotten better and better at, by practicing and practicing and practicing, and being patient and meditating…

The basic skill is to BE WITH our emotions.

We often spend MASSIVE energy avoiding, fighting, minimizing or rationalizing our emotions, instead of just being with them.

When we become more skillful at this, we can often allow our emotions to move through us much more quickly.

Now, “quickly” is relative, because sometimes it feels like FOREVER when we’re in the thick of it.

For me, what helps me “let it go” (which translated into more practical terms is: allow it to move) is spending time feeling it, and, especially, feeling it and becoming intimate with that emotion in the presence of someone I love who loves me/cares about me, and who is skillful enough to simply listen to me and ask curious, compassionate, patient questions until I can “go over the edge” and feel the depth, the pain, the tormented part of myself I’d been freezing in my body.

That’s what we’re habituated to, by the way. We’re habituated to FREEZING the emotions in our system, generally speaking. And that’s what creates more fear and more pain, is this contracting, this wall, this blockade we create, often automatically, because we don’t feel safe to actually feel the depth of what we’re feeling.

When we fight with reality, it takes a massive amount of energy, and in the end, reality still wins.

Here’s another helpful principle: The emotion is NOT telling the whole story. It’s telling part of the story.

In the moment, the emotion can often feel so fucking painful that it feels like it IS everything, that the emotion is the only thing that has ever or will ever exist.

The emotion can feel like it will suffocate us, drown us, kill us and leave our body to hang out to die.

That’s why we run. We’re not ready to die.

But what is amazing, and so fucking rewarding is that we don’t die. In fact, a little part of our ego dies (our ego being who we think we are vs who we actually are), and we get to discover a greater depth and width and height of Being we never previously knew.

And we learn how to have these “little deaths” over and over again.

We get better at dying these little deaths, which ironically, counter-intuitively, and with so much pleasurable surprise allows us to be MORE FULLY ALIVE THAN WE EVER IMAGINED POSSIBLE.

Being fully ALIVE is just a little bit more nuanced than it might appear to be on the surface because being fully ALIVE means feeling the UP and the DOWN. We don’t get one without the other.

LIFE includes DEATH, and when we celebrate ALL THAT IS, we discover reality and we begin to align with the Infinite Soul.

Being fully ALIVE is worth dying for.

And I’m here to listen if you’d like to talk.

I believe that the world is dying to be ALIVE, and being ALIVE starts by discovering the great mystery of who we really are and what we really care about.

I’d love to be a part of your discovery, so drop me a line if you’re open to chat about your life, to get fucking REAL, drop the bullshit, and experience MORE.

Let’s be more fully ALIVE!

Love,

Aaron

We’re Perfect Growing Here

For most of us, it seems there is a distance between where we are and where we want to be. That’s not new information.

But do we accept that this will always be true if we want to grow?

We will NEVER be where we want to be unless where we want to be is where we already are.

People say, “I’m getting there.” “I’m learning.” “I’m on my way.” And I say, “When will this never not be true?” “Will you ever get there?”

I don’t think so. We won’t ever arrive unless we accept that we have already arrived.

And accepting that we’ve already arrived means we must let go of our desire to arrive.

How can we be more like the tree, which seems to grow and not protest, “I’m not where I want to be yet.”

So my invitation to us all is: Let’s practice being like the trees.

We’re perfect growing here just like this. Taking our sustenance in the day. Sleeping at night. Perfect, whole and complete just as we are growing.

We’re perfect growing here, just like this.

Love,

Aaron

Someone Will Resonate With This!

I’m usually pretty scared making these posts.

I imagine people criticizing me for putting my thoughts and writing out there. I know this is not a helpful thought pattern at all!

However, as one antidote to that unhealthy pattern, I imagine that somewhere, someone will like what I’m saying.

Someone will say “Yeah, that makes sense.” Or at the very least, maybe they’ll throw me a “Good for Aaron.”

I have a tendency to be a “caretaker,” taking responsibility for others’ feelings and reactions. I think our whole culture has this tendency. That’s a topic for another post. I feel that potential strongly when I write.

But when I share myself, when I just say here I am–this is what I’m thinking and feeling, I’m writing for the ones who will resonate with it.

And for the ones who don’t resonate with it, well, I’d rather be weird than lonely.

Love,

Aaron

An Alternative to Growth

The alternative to growth seems clearly to be stagnation and death. And neither one of those FEEL good, do they?

Charles Fort, in The Book Of The Damned published in 1919 talks about that what is most nearly real is that which will last the longest.

So we seek that which is most nearly real. That which most resembles love. That which lasts quite possibly longer than its less real alternatives.

I just want to feel good, when it comes down to it. We all do. When we feel good, that means everything IS good. Isn’t it that simple?

The tricky part is in the sustainability of feeling good. Some things make us feel good for a few minutes, while others are painful immediately yet immensely gratifying later on. And it’s often those things which hold gratification LATER which allow us to feel best for the longest.

Things like proper exercise, diet, environment, reading books instead of watching youtube prank videos.

There are cheap, easy choices which cost much more in the long run. There will always be that alternative.

There is pain in life either way.

And in our human drive to maximize pleasure and minimize pain, it’s helpful to decide to take the pain on the front end.

We choose a pro-active pain strategy. We develop a love relationship with the front-end pain. We learn how to love it, or at least how to live with it.

And life gets better. Slowly, perhaps, but at least it’s not the procrastination of the same pain which collects its suffering with usurious interest.

It is what it is.

Aaron

The Quick Summary Of All We Know To Be True: Emotion

Our bodies collect the information from all of our experiences, and our emotions give us the split second summary of what is needed in the moment, based on three things: 1. All that collected information 2. The questions we are asking 3. What we want

Our thinking minds FOLLOW our emotional intelligence–not the other way around. Our minds generate reasons based on what the heart has already decided.

So when we can learn to FEEL the sensations in our bodies more subtly, more intimately, we develop an unfair advantage for getting what we want–especially when we couple that sensory awareness with real world experience, which can more accurately inform our emotions.

Our positivism lasts a bit longer when it is more closely aligned with reality.

Because if you’ve only seen 2 swans and both were white, then there’s no such thing as a black swan. Until you see a black swan, of course.

We all have different methods and modes of information gathering and interpretation. We’re all sponges of our environments. We soak it up, whatever it is.

If you’re born in Saudi Arabia, chances are you’ll be able give me excellent reasons for why Allah wants everyone to be a good Muslim.

If you’re born in the southeastern United States, chances are you’ll be able to give me great reasons why good people should join a church and believe in the blood sacrifice of Jesus.

If you’re born in South America, chances are you’ll be able to explain why being a Catholic and having socialist political leanings is the best way to live.

But the reasons come from a deeper source. They come out of needing an explanation for how you feel. Because how you feel informs how you think. And how you feel is based on your life experience.

So get in there ever more deeply. Experience much. Ask lots of questions.

Pay attention to the currents, the ebbing and flowing and rippling, to both the slick, quick running and the slow, almost imperceptible, glacier-like movements.

There’s so much information available.

And ALL of it helps us get to where we want to go. Where do you want to go? What do you want?

Chances are that you’ve already decided what you want and your mind has made up reasons to justify it.

 

I want to come more fully alive.

What do YOU want?

We Can Feel The Intentions Of Others

I’ve gotten frustrated with the self-help crowd, especially the “new-agey” type for giving frequent, automatic and highly UNhelpful advice to me and others in the past.

When we just tell a motherfucker to “open your heart” or “be yourself,” sure, it’s a great opportunity to pat ourselves on the back for being a guru.

But truthfully, this type of advice is coming from a terribly unhelpful guru.

A great teacher knows when his students are not understanding him. A great teacher also stays with his students UNTIL THEY UNDERSTAND.

It took me years to understand what “open your heart” meant, and for the sake of anyone else who hasn’t understood it yet, what it means is simply placing awareness on your own heart.

Feel the sensations around your physical heart by tuning in to that area. In a similar way that you would become aware of any other part of your body, simply place your attention on it and notice the sensations.

When you notice the sensations in and around your heart, you’re on the way to “opening your heart.” It’s about being aware of the physical sensations around your heart.

Boom. Three small paragraphs. Not hard… and, by the way, if you still have questions, drop me a line or comment below and I’m happy to continue the conversation.

If a teacher feigns that YOU don’t understand what he or she is trying to explain, it’s not YOUR fault. It’s on the teacher to teach. If you’re not understanding, then the teacher is not doing his job.

I remember one professor in college who was particularly difficult when it came to exams. I heard multiple classmates say, “He’s just so smart that he doesn’t know how to explain it to us.” That’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard.

I argue that if you can’t explain something to someone else, you probably don’t understand it all that well yourself.

Here’s what I wanted to write here from the beginning: I’ve learned something new and personally profound:

We can feel other people’s intentions.

I don’t hear people talking about this. People don’t say it so concisely.

I can usually feel your intentions.

An intention is what someone is wanting, behind what they may be saying or projecting or doing.

It’s highly unlikely we’ve got each other all figured out, as so often those with little social experience assume they do.

By the way, if you haven’t approached thousands of people to have conversations and to try to sell them something and/or to have sex with them, you’re probably in what I would call the “little social experience” category.

Massive social experience changes us. We can start seeing the patterns. We can start feeling the patterns, and the intentions and even the energy fields around people.

Notice what you imagine might be the intentions of those with whom you interact this week. If you really want to take it to the next level, get curious and ask them if what you’re sensing is true or not.

Notice whether you believe their answer or not.

One other fundamental lesson I’ve been re-learning this week I want to highlight here: Your opinion of yourself is the most important one. Other people often project their shit onto you, even when they “know you well.”

Remember to have compassion on people, and notice without having to react.

Most importantly, cultivate self-compassion, because how you treat yourself is how you treat the world.

Love,

Aaron

February Blues And Staying ALIVE

dead tree

I feel like such a hypocrite writing these posts sometimes. “Impostor syndrome” I’ve heard it called.

Fucking ALIVE.

Awareness
Love
Integrity
Vitality
Excellence

All the things I most want, my highest values, my priorities, my truth. And I feel so far away from them so often. They say we teach what we most need to learn.

And so we persist. Gravitating towards the edges of what we recognize as most nearly real and sustainably pleasurable.

All this energy in our heads serves us well until it doesn’t anymore. Until we realize that our above-average intelligence is a by-product of feeling unsafe in our bodies. The underlying story: “My body is not safe, so I’ll refocus awareness in my head where I can figure things out.”

But that’s not working so well anymore.

What I hate sometimes is that it takes so much energy to heal.

It takes energy to heal.

I’ve paid thousands of dollars over the last few years to begin seriously healing. (Money ~ Energy –in case you hadn’t gotten that one yet.) I’ve invested LOADS of time into practicing healing.

I feel sad and hopeless when I think of my friends whom I doubt will win the battle. I imagine they’ll die before they realize they’ve mis-invested their energy. Better luck next life, I guess.

The truth is I’m bitter against my creator for setting it all up this way. Why did you make it so damn hard!? Did I want it this way? Did I really ask for this? Maybe I was so fucking bored with whatever I was doing before that I dreamed up this new “challenge mode” to play. Goddammit.

But at least we have each other. And we have a shot. I’ve been hopeless before, and I’m not hopeless in this moment. The whole world now seems to be teetering on the edge of the point of no return. What’s that physics term they use? Total capacity? Breaking point? Melt down? I don’t remember.

Oh yeah, “critical mass.”

Either way, death is probably just a new beginning.

It’s February again, could you tell? Fucking February.

This is the longest I’ve gone without alcohol or weed since I first used the substances in college.

I know the only way out is through. It’s the lesson I’ve been learning the last few years.

But god dammit it’s the patience part that sucks.

A dream here, a voice there. A few days of release followed by weeks of silence. A burst of anger, lost friends, several new friends who might not walk away when I show them my pain. #blessed.

I forgive you for turning your back on me. It hurt, but I needed the practice with the pain. And it’s all for the best, right?

All is well.

And it’s probably just February.

Love,

Aaron